TRANSCRIPT
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The Rabbi Daniel Lapin Podcast
Episode: How to Change a Boy Into a Man & What That Really Means
Date: 09/09/24 Length: 51:13
Daniel Lapin 0:00
Greetings, Happy Warriors and welcome to the Rabbi Daniel Lapin show where I your rabbi, reveal how the world really works. And what is more, I remind you that the more that things change, the more we need to depend on those things that never change. And one of the things that never changes is the area of human reproduction. It is so fundamental a human activity and so universal that one doesn't even have to talk about it, really, because the very fact that we are here and that we have a history behind us of multiple generations upon multiple generations tells us that this system was designed absolutely perfectly. It is working just the way it was meant to work. But there are actually three responses to this implicit human mandate to reproduce. The three responses off are as follows, one of them is not to reproduce. And when this happens, then we have two separate consequences. Individual and social, and that is almost inescapable. Now, individual, I don't think I can do better than to quote a semi celebrity figure, I'm referring to a woman called Candace Bushnell, and the her claim to fame is that she wrote and came up with one of the very popular television shows of years back, called Sex and the City, and Sex and the City ran for a number of seasons, and I think it ran on HBO, and it had about 100 episodes running from about 98 to 2004 so it's 20 years old already. But there had been a newspaper column that ran in the New York Observer newspaper, written by this woman, Candace Bushnell, and was called Sex and the City. I don't remember, butwhatever it was this then was turned into a book, and then it turned into television series, and the main protagonist, played by the actress Sarah Jessica Parker, was Carrie Bradshaw, and I'd always suspected, because this was, a real cultural touch point this show back then.
Daniel Lapin 3:29
But I always suspected that the similar initials between the creator of the idea, Candace Bushnell, and the heroine of the series, the the sort of main narrator, narrator of the series, Carrie Bradshaw. I suspected the CB initials was not an accident, and that Carrie Bradshaw sort of intended, was intended to be the alter ego of the author, Candice Bushnell, so at any rate, it was an interesting series and and for its time, it really did serve as something of a milestone marker on America's journey from what the country used to be to the sexual decadence of the 21st century, and something I've spoken about in the past, and will again, God willing, is the very strong connection between sexual decadence and economic decline. Economic decline almost not, almost always follows sexual decadence within a society. It's a reality. And sure enough, for heaven's sake, we're seeing it as clearly as could be in the West, in general, United States in particular, at any rate, about five years ago, the the author and creator Candace Bushnell, who at that point was 60 years old, she actually spoke extensively about how much she regrets choosing a career over having children. And I was fascinated by this. She spoke. She said, when I got divorced in my 50s, I started to see the impact of not having children and of truly being alone. I do see now that people with children have an anchor in life in a way that people who have no children do not have and and this was an interview she gave to a notable paper, one of the big British papers, I'm pretty sure. And so I was fascinated by this at the time. And as you can imagine, what fascinated me was I wanted to see how effectively this would be suppressed. And sure enough, it was, although you can find it today, you can find the statement, most notably on the website of the British paper, the Daily Mail.
Daniel Lapin 6:12
The reality is, however, that there was a real backlash to her having made these statements. And in 2019, five years ago, and she really was largely suppressed. They the culture was very unhappy about the fact that she was going ahead and simply talking about these things and and and acknowledging that, you know what? The way the design of human beings was set up is that we actually do do better having children and like everything else, there's an investment payback. It's a program. The investment is in your young years, your 20s and 30s and 40s, and the payback is in your 50s and 60s and 70s. That's how it works. And so those who don't make the investment early on do not get the benefits. And the culture that is pushing feminism does not want to hear that. And so Candace Bushnell's 2019 statements really got quite a lot of backlash and largely successful attempts to suppress what she is, what she was saying. So so so there we have the three, there we have the idea of human reproduction and the three possible responses, one is to ignore it. And that has consequences, both on a personal and a societal level. On a personal level, nobody says it better than Candace Bushnell, and on a societal level, the results are largely economic, but they are also serious in other ways as well. And you can enjoy thinking about that or turning that into a dinner table conversation. You know what happens in a society that shrinks. What happens in a society where fewer and fewer babies are being born and where pretty soon, the number of elderly people with walkers greatly exceeds the number of young mothers with baby strollers, there are real changes to this kind of society, and I'm very aware of it right now, because Susan and I are actually in Israel for 13 days. In fact, we're leaving today, and we are incredibly aware of how much is contributed to the vitality and just general pleasure of the environment by the number of children ever present. And this, if you don't mind, is in a country at war in which almost every day there are funerals of young soldiers killed in the defense of their country. So
Daniel Lapin 9:28
that's one response to the biological imperative of reproduction, just not to do it. The second response is to do it animalistically. And what that means is that males indiscriminately impregnate females, who are then left to raise the young. And this is exactly what lions do. And leopards do, and zebras do, and baboons and chimpanzees do? You get the point that's at that is the animalistic model, the males do what males do, the females get pregnant, and there is a maternal instinct on the part of the females to protect and sustain the young ones until they can achieve independence. And this is exactly what happens in many societies, sub societies within the West, and other societies elsewhere. And then this is one of the actual ways of responding to the biological, reproductive imperative. Yes, children are going to happen, and the way they happen is women get pregnant. They often don't know who the actual impregnator is, but it doesn't make much difference the children are raised and the children just in an animalistic kind of a way, the children do not ever know who the who the father is. That is very much. It's a reality. It's a sad, tragic, awful reality. It's a reality with sad and tragic consequences for society. And again, you can discuss with, you know, with with friends and with family, with your children, what happens in a society where a lot of children do not know who their daddy is and where there is no daddy to play any role in the upbringing and the raising of the child, that is also something that we should look at, because the consequences to a society are not very good. And then there is the third way, which is the way of civilization, and that is a man and a woman marry, commit to one another forever and commit to the children that will be raised within their newly created family unit. And that is the way of civilization. That is the way that obviously and evidently works the best. And just to clarify when I say it's a way of civilization, I want to stress that. I say that within the context of something you've heard me say many times, which is that the Hebrew Bible is the foundational cornerstone of Western civilization. I can't make that statement any clearer. The Hebrew Bible is the foundational cornerstone of Western civilization, notwithstanding that I am very aware that it is generally looked at as a, you know, a religious text and a source of ideas that are rooted, that that that provide shape to theology and and so on. And I'm very aware that even in a number of religious environments, both Jewish and Christian. The Bible is studied in that way, an interesting text that provides insight into ancient cultures and primitive belief systems, but it is seldom studied in the way that it is actually presented, and that is as the foundational cornerstone of Western civilization, where one looks to the Bible, Not just for theological aspects of life, but for political aspects of life and how it provides guidance for political ideas and social ideas, and that those are really the essence, and that everything that we call Western civilization today all the benefits that make people brave the Mediterranean Sea and cross from North Africa to France and Spain and Italy in an attempt to make their way into the countries of Western civilization. All of those things flow directly from the Bible and again, another discussion topic for your family or your friendship groups, or any time you decide to get together with other people. For the purposes of uplifting conversation, and so there, there, we've got the idea of reproduction treated number one, ignoring it and not participating with all the negative consequences for individuals and society, the animalistic approach, with all the negative consequences, mainly for society and then the civilized approach. Children raised within a family created by a man and a woman who commit to one another find joy with one another and are committed to the children that are the consequence of that joy. And so then the children arrive, and yes, the biological mandate of reproduction is fulfilled. However, the question now is raising them. And so the first negative approach to reproduction, namely, simply not to do it. Well, they obviously don't have to worry about raising the children. The second one, which is the animalistic approach, is women get impregnated by men they barely know, and the children are kind of raised by them, but not really. Who does raise the children who come into the world as part of an animalistic reproductive model? One has to think about that the state, the state raises them and
Daniel Lapin 16:44
and so only in the third case in the civilizational approach to reproduction is there any possibility at all of the children being raised by exactly who they're meant to be raised by in the civilizational model, and that is their parents. You know, you sometimes hear grown men saying, and I've heard it very often. I'm sure you have as well. You're in conversation, and you know, why? How did you come to do that, or what made you do that? As a question I enjoy asking people all the time, and one of the most common responses is, look a rabbi. It was it was how I was raised. And that's really significant. So let's talk about for the moment, who is really raising your son? And I'm going to speak specifically about son, because raising sons is done effectively, entirely differently from the most effective way of raising daughters. Raising sons of daughters are two separate, thrilling, exciting, challenging enterprises, very different from one another. And so what I'm going to do is I'm going to extend the discussion about raising daughters to what I think of as the bonus program. And as you know, this is something that I've been wanting to do for a long time, and that is acknowledge those of you who have joined the happy warrior community, and I wanted to do something to express my appreciation and my emotional connection with those of you who have become part of the happy warrior community. And so what I'm going to do is I'm going to do the same treatment that I'm doing now for boys, but I'm going to do it for girls, raising girls, and that I will do in the bonus, which is available for happy warrior members, obviously, but for everybody else, Let's talk about who is really raising your son? So, you know, let's imagine, imagine that you are a mother, you're a father, and you've got a son, baby, baby boy. Son just born, okay? And Susan and I have just been blessed with a baby girl, granddaughter, and that is why she she was born in Israel, and that is why we are here for a little while to meet her, and we have done so. And she is an absolutely beautiful little girl for whom we are devoutly grateful to the Lord. And but if you have a son who is raising your son, you know when, in years to come, your son will say, it's how I was raised. Was he raised by a gig, the government indoctrination camp formerly known as public schools? Or was he raised a. By you and your spouse. Look, think about how your child gets raised. Ask yourself, when are his basic sets of values implanted what I call the spiritual matrix that will end up shaping his life, more than anything else, that is being implanted in your son surprisingly early, and I cannot tell you by exactly what age your son's character is formed by what age he set of informing values his spiritual matrix. In other words, when does that exactly get formed? And all of us who have had the incredible privilege of having children and raising children, you kind of get a rough idea and and it's always surprising how young it is. I don't think anybody actually knows the answer to you know by what age, and it may vary, and probably does from child to child, but from experience, I think anybody who's raised children knows that it's somewhere probably over the age of three, maybe, yeah, probably and younger than 18, probably a lot younger than 18. In my experience, around about 10 years old would be my best guess that for most children, by around 10 years old, their spiritual matrix is pretty much set.
Daniel Lapin 22:00
It's cost in concrete for the most part. Now this means that we all have about 10 years to get it right. There's only a very, very few children who survive a failed upbringing and then work on themselves to get it right themselves that is incredibly tough, incredibly challenging and incredibly rare. And so my best guesstimate of having about 10 years in which to implant your value system into your children, which is the obligation of a parent. That guesstimate of mine that you got about 10 years at most, and maybe a lot less, maybe by five or six or seven, the child's character is already formed, but whatever my guesstimate is, and my optimistic one is 10 years that is predicated upon you raising your son for the 10 years. But what if you are sharing those 10 years? You are sharing those critical early 10 years with a gig and with television, oh, and what about neighborhood kids and an iPad or another screen tablet? What if those few years and remember, you're not doing a whole lot during the first year or two, so those few years during which you have the opportunity to indelibly inscribe a value system into your son, what if you have To share that little time with all those other influences. And I think that word is well chosen because they are influences. They are not casual. They're not like water that just washes over something. They're like water currents that carve shapes into what they're flowing over, and namely, that is your children. And it's a little worse than that, I'm afraid, because not only do you have less time and opportunity than we even thought, but more alarmingly, you may have to spend some of the precious, limited, valuable time you've got and doing the wrong and potentially destructive influences and values that are being implanted in your son by the get he attends and by. Television and by movies and by neighborhood kids and by the iPad the school or the Chromebook that the school has given him. Now, not only do you have the formidable task of implanting a value system, you have a huge preliminary task of undoing the negative value system that is being implanted. What is this negative value system that is being implanted? And remember that if you haven't yet subscribed to this podcast, it would be wonderful if you did, and now would be a fine time to do it. And also, if you are thinking about joining our happy warrior community, and I can't imagine why you wouldn't want to do that. I mean, it's so central to Susan and my being the way to do that, just go to the website, right? It's Rabbi Daniel lapin.com Rabbi Daniel lapin.com
Daniel Lapin 26:12
and join the Happy Warrior community. We're waiting for you please do and enjoy extensive access to years of valuable resources that you can use to shape you and your families, family values, finance, friendships, Even fitness and, of course, the spiritual side as well, which is an essential part of a strong, healthy personality. So let's take a quick look at some of the wrong values that are being implanted in your children by the neighborhood and by entertainment, and very much by the GECK, what are some of these things? So you should be aware of them, and you might even want to think of noting them down or getting hold of the the transcript of this show, because number one is and they're not in any order, by the way. This is not in declining order or ascending order of importance. It's just a list of some of the things that I know are being wrongly implanted in your son. What's being implanted in your daughter? I will deal with separately in the bonus broadcast, Okay, number one, I would say. And again, not not in number one of importance, but just in my listing, follow your heart and not your head. And I think this is something many of you happy warriors know already, that children are being taught that their feelings are really, really important. And the truth is that, particularly in raising a son, you want your son to be able to rise above his feelings. When our son would say, as a little boy, I don't feel like it, we use that as an opportunity to diminish the role of feeling and to increase the role of head, think about what you ought to be doing and when you ought to be doing it, not what you feel like doing. That's so important for a boy to understand. Some of these things flow over and some don't to girls, but I'll cover that separately in the podcast, in the section available on the we happy warriors website for we happy warrior members, all right. Second one, this is also a frightfully damaging influence that your sons are being inflicted with. You're entitled. You're entitled to what? A lot of things, happiness, health, money, job, education, yeah, just, there's a lot of there's an atmosphere of entitlement. It's my right, and a far better way to raise your son is to focus on his obligations rather than his rights. And I'm sure I don't have to explain that. I'm sure you see right away how much more valuable it is for a boy to have implanted into his original spiritual matrix that is driven by his duties, not by the feelings of his rights and his entitlements. It's so important. And please make no mistake. Of how devastatingly destructive is the the value system of entitlement that your son is being raised with all the time that he is not under your influence and and guidance. Number three, and again, you might think that this is hardly important for a young son or a young boy, but again, because the spiritual schematic does get cost, the concrete sets earlier than we might think, this really is a part of it, and that is that marrying a girl is part of his future. Yes, that is what we expect you to do. You will one day marry a wonderful girl. And what's more, you will feel that it is a privilege to support her and protect her and to raise children just the way that Mommy and I are raising you and your brothers and sisters. That idea has to be put in early because the alternative that is being imparted to your son by cultural forces in his environment, yeah, the geek and the friends and the entertainment is that marriage is a fool's game. Yeah, that's you don't want to do that right? And then there are all kinds of jokes and and themes and memes that discourage a boy from growing up feeling that marriage is a part of his future. But of course, you have to build that into a spiritual schematic, because marriage is not something that comes automatically to a young man. I've spoken about this in the past, that young girls do look at bridal magazines. Young boys do not imagine weddings and marriages. Young girls do like playing with dolls because their biology is deeply rooted in this affinity for babies, for reproduction. That's not something a young boy grows up feeling drawn to sex and drawn to women, but not to the idea of marriage and reproduction, the only way that can happen is if it is spiritually implanted into his matrix when he's young. I mean, it's like everything else, right to start trying to hope that continuing education courses for a professional in his 30s is going to keep him honest and fill him with integrity as rubbish if he was not given a spiritual matrix when he was a child. And again, the foundational cornerstone of civilization, namely, the Bible, is very, very clear that if you don't succeed in this, when your son is young, it's pretty much over. There's not a lot of likelihood of things working out well, and so in exactly the same way that a boy does not grow up automatically feeling that honesty and integrity are vitally important. No, you teach him that early on, in exactly the same way, you teach him that one day, becoming a husband and a father is going to be a wonderful part of his future. Okay, number four and number four, again, this is something that if your son is largely in the influence of a gig and of entertainment and of the neighborhood, then he is being given the idea subtly but reliably, that excuses are an acceptable alternative to performance. Is a terrible thing, that if I come up with an excuse, it's okay that I was I wasn't able to do it, and today, we are already looking at Gen Z. We're looking at this new generation of people who have hit the workforce, who were raised by the culture, not by responsible mothers and fathers. They were raised first by daycare and then by gigs, and they really believe that excuses are an acceptable. Alternative to performance,
Daniel Lapin 35:03
and this is one of the reasons that universities have had to guarantee safe spaces and that people won't be upset and bothered. All of this is part of the result of mothers and fathers not raising their sons, but essentially institutions of the state and of society and of the culture. Raising your son, it is so hard to raise a son correctly, not surprisingly, if you don't do it, it won't be done correctly. And so please note when you talk to young guys around the neighborhood or wherever you can have an opportunity try and probe for this, and you will be quite surprised in a sad way, of how excuses have become acceptable. You want to raise your son with the idea that there is no alternative to performance. Performance is all that matters. In other words, you have to do what you have to do when you have to do it. No excuses. That is such a masculine idea to implant in your son so important, the fifth thing that is being taught to your son by the culture and by the state and by the gig number, and that is that making money is wrong. Wanting to make money is wrong, and it's pretty much impossible anyway. You don't stand much of a chance of it anyways. But it's certainly the desire to make money is wrong, and it is proof of a bad character. Nothing could be further from the truth. The whole money system is God's way of incentivizing us to serve one another's needs, and it's a good thing. It's a wonderful thing, not that it's everything, not that there should be a love of money, but for a young boy to begin to understand early that how he will make money is a worthwhile question to be thinking about already, that's a good thing, and it is your duty, dad to make sure that your son does start thinking positively about earning money deeply within his spiritual matrix number six, again, this is subtly infused into your child's way of thinking, but it is infused reliably nonetheless. And here it is, government is the source of all good in society, not God. It's a really important one. Let me say it again. The source of all good in society is the government not God. The government will provide not God. The government tells the truth, not God. Government provides security, not God. These are good conversations to have with your boy. Mothers and fathers, please listen. And number seven, another wrong and destructive idea that is being imparted to your son by the culture, is that equality is a really important value. I don't have to tell you much more about that. Again, a very good conversational topic and and something that it's your duty, mothers and fathers, mom and dad, talk to your sons about this. Equality is that a good thing? Equality of opportunity, equality of outcome, is that what you mean? Talk about these things with your son, you'd be shocked at how hungry your child is for authentic communication with you. I've spoken about this in the past to simply do the perfunctory. How was school today? What did you do? Did you have a good day? All of this is it's essentially meaningless communication. It gets you absolutely nowhere. But communication that involves a topic of discussion in which you exhibit authentic interest in what your young son is is responding to you now that is the way parents not only communicate with their sons, but bond with them in the deepest way possible. Number eight, the eighth mistaken idea that is being communicated to your son, if there are other influences in his life, other. And you and your spouse, being a man is meaningless. There's nothing special about being a man. There is being a being a boy or a girl is it's irrelevant. Everyone's the same. That is what is being taught. And the specialness of being a male doesn't exist. I think I've told you in the past, and I'm not saying that. You know, everything that Susan Lapin and I did was 100% right. We made our mistakes, just like everybody else does, but thank God, and thanks to our belief in the biblical blueprint for practical living. There are a lot of things we did right? And you know, one of them was that you do have to raise your boy from a young age to understand that being a man is meaningful. And one of the things and again, you know, some people are going to be horrified at what I'm about to say. And you know, I'm sorry for you, because your horror and outrage and indignation at what I'm about to say says much more about you and the extent to which you have been destructively indoctrinated than it says about the child rearing approach that I'm going to speak about, it is very important to impart to your son the value of being a man, and that it is different and and so one of the things we well, several of the things our daughters did a whole lot in terms of preparing meals and in terms of serving meals. And when there was a family meal, my wife would designate which daughters are going to help with each particular course, in terms of serving the course and clearing the course, and my son and I sat at the table. Now this wasn't when he was four years old, but it began when he was old enough to take on responsibilities. What were some of the responsibilities that were especially his? Anytime anything heavy needed to be carried when our family went on a road trip, thank God. We were a sizable family, and if each person only brought one suitcase, there was a bunch of cases to be loaded into the family van. Our daughters never carried a suitcase. They were always loaded by our son, and some of them, honestly, some of them weighed more than he did, and we left him to struggle. And I remember there was some when he was small. There were tears in his eyes at the sheer frustration he felt at having be of being forced to manhandle these large suitcases into the van, but that was how he earned the privilege of sitting at the table and being served by the girls. Yes, and this is a topic for another conversation, but the connection between food and women is a very strong one. It goes all the way back to a mother nursing her child at her breast, and it goes all the way to the adult woman deriving a deep feminine thrill at feeding her man, and it's an important part of femininity. And I mean, I understand that in the craziness of today's culture, what I'm saying is controversial, but it also happens to be true and practical and very, very helpful.
Daniel Lapin 44:01
Garbage was always handled by our son, every aspect of it, getting garbage from the kitchen to the large outdoor garbage containers, putting the large garbage outdoor containers out on the street twice a week for pickup, all of that was his responsibility. If something are in the girls room, broke a light a light fixture needed to be replaced, a light bulb needed to be replaced. All they had to do was tell their brother that was his responsibility. Now it may be something he couldn't handle himself. Then he would invoke my assistance and between us, together, we go get our tools, and I would do everything I could to make sure that as much of the job as possible could be done by him. And then I would make sure that he got the credit for doing the job. That's all part of growing his sense of pride in being a man and understanding. And then from there onwards, the idea. Of protecting his his sisters, you know, playing on on the block, playing with the neighborhood. He understood that he his job was to protect them. And as soon as the boys on the block knew that they had to contend with our son, the girls were treated in a very special, beautiful way. So that was number eight. Number nine, teaching your son friends are not more important than family, because what the culture is getting into his head is that friends are more important than family, and that's really, really happening, I assure you, whether it's entertainment or the gig, the idea is your social group. Those are the people who always be with you. He hears this all the time. Your son is being indoctrinated to believe that friendships are more important than family. Now look, I teach the 5f all the time. Friendship is important and family is important, and one has to understand how they interact and how they interact with the other three F's. That's why we wrote the book. The holistic you obviously, but the idea that friends are more important than family. You've got to be very careful and diligent about countering that piece of influence. And then finally, and lastly and number 10, in terms of bad messages that are being conveyed to your son, bad and destructive ideas that are being forced into his spiritual matrix in contrast to what you'd like to teach. And that is number 10, that getting a college credential is more important than becoming competent. Competent at what, at something, at anything. And so today we see boys coming out of college with a useless college credential that makes them competent for nothing. What you've got to get through to your son is that becoming a competent man is of the First Order, competent at something compete, having an area that even as a nine year old, you have established some competency raising chickens. I don't care. It doesn't matter. Something that is yours, something that you will win admiration of, first by your family and then maybe by your friends, because you have achieved competence in this area. What we what the culture does to children, is prolong their childhood indefinitely, and then they finally are driven into college and with the associated debt involved, which was is one of the most egregious wealth transfer programs ever devised by secular liberalism. Yes, that's what your son is being driven to do. Don't worry about achieving competence in anything. You're still a child. You're only an adolescent. You're not expected to be competent at anything. Yeah, actually, as a boy, you should be becoming competent, maybe with tools, maybe it's at sports. Maybe it's in some area of knowledge, it doesn't matter, but some area, something that you do better than your peer group around you, something that you are really good at, very, very important for a boy. And you know, you think of Mark Twain's stories, of of Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn, and you see it so clearly, there he was. He was so perceptive and author in that way, where the where Tom really took pleasure in being able to show off things that he was able to do better and differently than other people. Yeah, it is important for a boy. Obviously, these are different for girls. The whole approach with raising girls is unique and distinctive and special, but these are 10 areas in which the culture out there is trying to undo and to counteract, all the good things that you wish for your sons, all of that being undermined by the culture. And so be aware of that, and understand that these are things that. You can really do something about being forewarned is being forearmed, and you can really play a significant role in fixing these things. So our website is www.rabbiDaniellapin.com, and welcome you there as always. Love hearing from you. Love having comments on the podcast particularly well, I think this one is really worthy of conversation, and I I hope you have it with one another, with other Happy Warriors, as well as with me. So thanks so much for being part of the show. I do appreciate your expanding the show by subscribing yourself and by mentioning the show to friends and family who you think are like minded and who would enjoy it. I certainly enjoy gaining our audience and growing our audience. So thanks very much for doing that, and until next week, this is me, your rabbi, wishing you a week of growth in your family, in your finances, in your friendships, in your fitness and in your faith. God Bless.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
