TRANSCRIPT
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The Rabbi Daniel Lapin Podcast
Episode: What Do Women Really Want? I'll Tell You!
Date: 7/5/24 Length: 42:44
Daniel Lapin 0:08
Greetings, happy warriors and thank you for being tuned right here to the rabbi. Daniel Lapin show where I your rabbi, reveal how the world really works. And one of the ways that the world really works is that we must remember that the more that things change, the war, more we must depend on those things that never change. And one of those things that never changes is the relationship between men and women. Oh, social conditions change, and various groups, many with influence, attempt to indoctrinate women and men that into thinking that things have changed. For instance, one of the charges that is frequently laid at the feet of men is, well, you're a sexist. And sometimes they followed up with the appellation of a barnyard animal. You're a sexist, something it doesn't matter. The correct response when you're charged with being a sexist is yes, if that means recognizing that men and women are entirely different, and that men and women in general, make different choices with respect to priorities in their lives. Well, yes, then I'm a sexist, if that's what it means. If it means anything else, I reject your name calling. Yes, there are differences. Nature is sexist. Nature notices a difference between men and women. For one thing, women retain their fertility for a limited number of years, and it's it's shockingly early, when one thinks about it, but I guess that nature intends for mother to remain healthy and strong until her children are self sufficient. Men, on the other hand, seem to have a far less limited duration to their fertility, even much older men can conceive babies. Now we've spoken in the past about many of the ways in which physical realities, such as this one we're just talking about is merely a reflection of an underlying spiritual reality. But one thing is clear, and that is, men and women are entirely different. Can women have it all? No, of course not. That's ridiculous. Can men have it all? No, of course not. That's equally ridiculous. What does all mean?
Daniel Lapin 3:28
Well, if it means material comfort, and last week, we spoke a little bit about what material comfort means and the eternal struggle to extract a living from an often reluctant Earth. Is it possible to have the living, the material aspects of living, while also having the purpose, giving meaning, imparting human relationships, mainly family, that lie at the heart of everything our book, the holistic you, which if you haven't looked at, I strongly recommend that you go onto Your favorite book selling website, and since the most famous one is not an advertiser on this show, I shall not name them, but you know who you are, and you can go and take a look at The Holistic You. And the reason is because The Holistic You shows how a deep and fulfilling life of having everything, if you like, means focusing on family and finance and friendship and fitness and faith. Do they go in any particular order? No, that's why we usually graphically depict them as it. Two equidistant points on the circumference of a circle. That's right. If you draw radial lines exactly 72 degrees apart, you'll find you have five equidistant points on the circumference. And in any order. You label them, family, faith, friendship, fitness and finance, and then you get a pretty good idea your life is encompassed in that circle that is the totality and wholeness of your life. That is when you have everything. The book is called The Holistic You, and you can easily read about it online while we're at it, make sure you subscribe. Now would be a really good time to do that and later on, I'll suggest that you might even become part of the Happy Warrior community.
Daniel Lapin 5:58
But for now, let us just say that the observation that men and women are different is a very important one, and therefore, because in that relationship in general, it is the man who is the pursuer and the woman who is the pursuit. How do I know that? Well? Because in the Bible, in the Five Books of Moses, it says, When a man takes a woman, and that tells me that the action is that of the man. And that is why it is that even after some 60 years of sexual egalitarianism, some 60 years of one after another failed iteration of feminism, the number of marriages that take place because a woman got down on one knee and held out a Rolex watch to a man and said, Please accept this watch and make me the happiest girl in California is minimal. Overwhelmingly, the number of marriages that are going to take place this year are going to take place only because a man got out on one knee and held out a diamond ring to a girl and said, Please make me the happiest man in the world. Accept this ring, become my wife and give me the supreme honor of supporting you and taking care of you and protecting you and providing for you and our future family. And but that takes us into my recommended proposal speech, which I've done on a previous podcast. But for now, let us remember that it is an unchanging reality that the man seeks out the woman. The woman wants to be sought out by the man. The woman wants to be taken by the man. And that is why it is that even in the throes of heightened passion, no man ever cried out to his wife. Oh, take me, that's not how it works. It is a woman who wishes to surrender to her man, and that is a reality. We can superimpose all kinds of cultural fads, trends, and try and persuade people that it's different, but you'd be a fool and a victim of your own folly if you actually went along with that. It is important to understand what is our unchangeable masculine natures and our unchangeable feminine natures. Now I want to tell you, in other words, the topic of today's show is, what do women really want, and if it's just going to be Rabbi Daniel Lapin's opinion? Well, you know, then I I'm not really sure that you're not wasting your time. I mean, I haven't really thought about it, but if you want my opinion on it, I mean, I'd like to think my opinion is is a little more likely to be correct than than most others, but I feel I can provide you a far more profoundly valuable service by making this about not my opinion, but let's have it from women.
Daniel Lapin 9:54
Now, I don't believe in polling. First of all, there's a lot of. Inbuilt bias in polling having to do with in today, the psychologists, industrial psychologists in that area, have become so adept at phrasing polls to get precisely the answers that you want, and again, not necessarily from every single person, but if you're going to poll 1000 people, you can arrange things that you'll get 700 than giving you the answer you want. So I don't like polls. I also don't like polls because respondents very often tailor their responses to what they think the pollster wants to hear or what they think the public would would think about them. We saw that phenomenon in the political polling of 20, 2016 and it was very, very clear then that the pollsters predicting Hillary Clinton's win were all wrong. That was because people, particularly in front, particularly if they were men, and their wives, were present. Turns out, they were reluctant to acknowledge publicly that they want were going to vote for Donald Trump. We may have a little bit of the same thing going now, so I don't believe much in polling, but I'll tell you what I do believe in. I do believe in people valuing their money. I think that is an unchangeable reality of human nature, because we all recognize and understand that our money is real. It captures the full extent of our assets and our experience and our ability and our resources and our power, and above all our time money. Oh, yeah, we're all understanding of the importance of our money, and that's why it is that centralized government types are very, very regularly will tend to make decisions for people on the basis of they don't know for themselves what They should do when you give people the option of making their own decisions, they usually prove, will there be people who make bad decisions? No question about it, if we took away the Social Security tax, if you offered people the choice of no Social Security tax and no Social Security payout, a large number of people, not everybody, but a large number of people would elect to take that offer. Will some of those people make bad saving decisions? No doubt, they probably will, but with each passing year, when the evidence of mistakes become better known, fewer and fewer people will make those mistakes, and we'll end up with more of a system that is freedom-based and will remove the the trailing liability that threatens to bankrupt America's Social Security system. People are much better with their own money than governments. Organizations believe they are and that is a fundamental truth, that is one of those reliable things that you can count on, because it's unchanging. So for instance, imagine, if you will, that you are a marketer. Let's say you've got, I don't know, let's say you've got an audience of of people on your mailing list, or you've got a certain population that you know visits your store once every six months, or whatever it is, and you're trying to decide, should you stock up with more pink sneakers with lights that flash when you walk? Or should you stock up with more black wingtips then you could take a poll, have a postcard, and anyone who comes into your store, you can ask them to please make a check mark whether you'd be more likely to buy pink sneakers or black wingtips. You could do that. It would be nearly as useful as doing a test, getting a certain number of each trying to sell them both and see which sell to your population market quicker and better. In other words, when it comes to spending money, people are much more honest and careful and meticulous about things that they really care about. That's how money works. It's one of its great advantages.
Daniel Lapin 15:05
And so when it comes to political polling, and you know, it's, I'm taping this, what is it for four months or so before the next presidential election in the United States. And as you can imagine, the pollsters are having a field day every day, every week. They've got something new to come out. A few days ago was the calamitous televised CNN debate for Joe Biden, in which he performed in a way that confirmed the very worst fears that had been circulating about him and and so poles went both ways. When you listen to the pundits before and after, there were certainly differences, but the most reliable, as in my opinion, always, are the betting websites. There's a whole bunch of them. I mean, I know of about 10 of them. I'm not sure to what extent betting on elections is legal in the United States of America. It may be by state, I'm not sure, but I know that in some places it's legal as long as the betting website is not US-based. There are a number of British-based websites that are accepting bets on the United States election, and there are also sites that compile the odds from these betting sites, and that Happy Warriors is where I look for predictions. And are the betting odds more accurate than the poles and the pundits absolutely no question about it. Sometimes people say that political betting markets are a recent invention. They're clearly not. There's a very interesting book called the long history of political betting markets, and it's by Paul Road and Coleman Strumpf and and they point out that political betting has been going on since, since colonial times. It's been going on for a long time. And as a matter of fact, I will tell you that the 15 presidential elections between 1884 and 1940 betting markets only got it wrong once. It's the wisdom of the crowds and it's people using their money. And when people use their money, they give it their very best shot, and so overwhelmingly more accurate on the betting markets than the pundits and the pollsters. And you might be interested to know that at the present time, just before the calamitous CNN debate at the end of June, just before that the that calamitous debate, President Trump was at 55% likelihood of winning, and after the debate, he went up to 60% chance of winning. Went up five points. So not crazy. It wasn't a huge jump, but at the moment, the betting sites have all been consistent on Mr Trump winning.
Daniel Lapin 19:02
Now, why am I telling you this? We're talking about, and you'll pardon my voice, we're talking about what women really want. What's this got to do with betting workshops? Well, we can listen to polls. We can listen to feminist propagandists, we can listen to think tanks, we can listen to anything. But why don't we look and see how women spend their money? And I turn to what I call Professor Harlequin. What is Professor Harlequin? Well, Harlequin publishers is, I think it's a Canadian based publisher that for many, many years, decades, has been publishing women's romance novels. If you go in and. Into a thing called a bookstore. Some of you may remember that from the olden days, but if you go into a bookstore, you will see a stand of harlequin romances, and I find that to be a very solid and reliable indicator of what women really want. Let me give you some examples. This is fascinating. In 1960 I actually went back all the way to 1940 and the pattern is absolutely consistent. But I thought 1960 the the revolution of changing America had not yet got underway. I usually dated to the best one can date a major epoch. I usually dated to 62 the arrival of the birth control pill on the market, which had a profound impact. But 1960 listen to some of these titles. Peter Reynold, surgeon. That's by Marjorie Moore, meet Dr Kettering. Okay, that one is a doctor, nurse, romance, Queen's Council, senior surgeon, Dr halcott, 1960 was a big year for doctor, nurse relationships, wife by arrangement. Dr daring's love affair. You doctor's wife. In secret, that's by Anne Vinton. I just mentioned the authors to let you know that the authors are all women castle in Corsica, and this one is about a Greek aristocrat who's inherited a family castle with great wealth in Corsica, and along comes this young British or American Girl tourist. Anyway, you could write it as well as I could choose the one you'll marry. Here's another doctor. One Love the physician that's by Hilda Nixon, winter's bride, right? You can figure how that one goes, Uh, I jump ahead 20 years, and we can look at 1980 the man on the peak. You get the idea there, the master of Craig Hill, a dangerous man, man of the high country, shadow of an eagle. Dangerous. Marriage that one's by Mary Wibberley. Marriage by capture. You like that one, remember I just told you about when a man takes a woman the book of Deuteronomy. Marriage by capture. That's by Margaret Rome. Harlequin, romance novels, 2000 husband, potential, the feisty fiance. How about this one, the billionaire daddy. That's by Renee Rosal, an arranged marriage, her secret bodyguard, one husband needed, fiance wanted. That's by Ruth Jean Dale, Pamela taming the boss. Get it. That's by Pamela Bauer, so autobiographical, maybe a wife, a wife worth keeping coming home to wed just say yes. Exclamation point. The baby surprise, the faithful bride, the English bride, to marry a sheik, the best man and the bridesmaid, the corporate wife, the Sheik's bride, the billionaire and the baby, the Sheik's reward. Now there's three books published in 2000 that have chic in the title. I just read them to you to marry a chic, the Sheik's bride and the Sheik's reward. All of them are about this Middle East. Ruler, tall, dark and handsome and fabulously wealthy. To marry a sheik is by day Leclerc. The Sheik's bride is by Sophie Weston, and the sheiks reward is by Lucy Gordon. Lot of chicks in 2020. 14 Christmas at the castle, Second Chance with her soldier, snowed in with the billionaire snowflakes and silver linings, English girl in New York. These are the books that women are putting down money to purchase in very large numbers, and this is ever so much more reliable than what pollsters tell you, or what studies reveal, or what research shows, or what scientists tell us pay no attention to that, but where women spend their money, that tells us everything. And so to answer the question of what women really want, all we have to do is study the archetype of the harlequin hero. That's all we got to do, right? It's pretty straightforward. So let us consult Professor Harlequin, the eminent sociologist who unerringly reveals what women really want. First of all, the harlequin hero. He is moneyed. No question about that, no exceptions to that, none whatsoever is that strange? That's compelling, but it's not entirely surprising, because I had the opportunity to study a paper in evolution and human behavior. And what they did there was a fascinating study. It involved a million men and a million women. It was a computer simulation of marriage. They had statistics on 2 million people, half of each sex, and they had statistics on marriage childbearing. They had statistics on income and assets. And let me just give you the the summary of it. It's a really easy study to find, if you're if, if you want to study it in greater depth than I'm telling you about. The Institute of Family Studies is where I started my search. And I found it quite easily from there, and what did they find? That marriages happened most between high-income men and lower-income women. Marriages happened least between high-income women and low-income men. That's a reality. Am I being sexist for telling you this, I'm being honest and truthful. Sure, money and marriage go hand in hand, or as we call it in our book, the holistic you. We call it family and finance because we wanted five F's.
Daniel Lapin 28:34
But if I was writing about just the two of them, I would have said money and marriage, those two are inextricably and importantly linked together. And I find very interesting the many, many newspapers, particularly British papers, and also magazines, run the agony column, you know, dear Jane, this and this happened to me. What do you think? And and one of the recurring themes is that, you know, we met when we were young, and he was an artist. She writes and and I, he was so dedicated to his art. And he was so dedicated. He was painting so expressively and so beautifully, and many people showed interest in what he was doing, and I really believe that he was making progress and going to become a great artist. And we got married and and now, three years later, we're living in a small apartment, still with our old furniture from when we were students, and I'd like to get more furniture, but I'm the only one bringing an income. He's home most of the day, or he's going to art galleries. He's not producing any money at all, and I can't take it anymore. And, you know, and Jane or auntie or whoever. Is going to answer provides the best answer they can, seldom correct and accurate, seldom helpful. But this is a very, very common story. Idealistic girl marries guy who she believes is going to be something, and it doesn't pan out, and he turns out to be somebody with very little ambition, and she's not happy. She's not happy at all. Do you think she needs therapy? She doesn't need therapy. She's exactly right. She's exactly right to be feeling unhappy. Does this make her a gold digger? Does this make her a lesser person? No, my friends, when women evaluate a man by money, they are being very smart and very correct and very appropriate and very proper. There's nothing wrong with it at all. Gold Digger rubbish. It's a slur and it's a mean appellation. It's not true at all. It's because money is one of the finest barometers of a man's priorities and of how he's been spending his time. And so if a woman marries a man and he's, I don't know, shall we say, 25 by that point, he either should have a few dollars or he should have something that has him on the road. You know, maybe he is in the final year of an internship or a residency or something, and in 18 months time, he's going to be in position for a good salary, whatever it is. But a man of 25 who has not displayed any ambition or produced anything at all, and he is a helpless romantic. I have one message for guys in that situation. I really want to help you guys.
Daniel Lapin 31:53
If you're 25 or more, and you just not making any money, but Oh, you're doing what you love doing. You're working for a nonprofit, or you're an artist or you're a writer, if you would like to find the happiness of living with a good woman, then I have very simple advice for you, and that is, get off your rear end and start doing something that is of obvious value to other people. How do we know if it's of obvious value to other people? Well, it's called money, that's right. And so when a woman evaluates a man in terms of money, it's not only how he's lived his life till now, it's what his priorities are. It tells us a lot of things. It tells us whether he's found a way to serve other human beings. That's just another definition of making money. It tells us if he gets on with other people. It tells us if he is good at building and keeping relationships going. And so that is all very, very important. And so, no, it's not that she's a gold digger. She knows deep down that money is meaningful to men, in a way, it is not meaningful to women, a man's masculinity. We explain all this. If you've read the holistic you You understand all this already. Money. Is meaningful to a man's masculine psyche in a way that it isn't to a woman's feminine psyche. I'm not saying women don't want money, and I'm not saying women don't enjoy making not saying any of that, but I'm saying that if a man takes a financial hit, it affects his masculine identity. It might even affect his potency. But if a woman takes a financial hit, there is no problem at all with her femininity. It doesn't take any hit whatsoever. And so women who are low on wealth find it much easier to get married than women who are high on wealth with men, it's exactly the reverse. Men who are low on wealth are much find it much more difficult to marry, and certainly to marry well, than men who are high on wealth.
Daniel Lapin 34:23
So when Professor Harlequin tells us that Harlequin heroes are all men with a few dollars, you can trust Him, that is part of what women really want. And congratulations to women who are mature enough and smart enough to understand that the next item on Professor harlequins list is he. He is principled and powerfully self disciplined. He's not a little. Boy is a man. Power is a consequence of power applied internally. Self discipline makes it possible to project power outwards, and all Professor harlequins heroes are men who are powerful, self disciplined and able to project that power, not tyrannically. But you know that already, I don't have to explain that to you. Sometimes it's a quiet power, it's a quiet strength, but it is there, and So gentlemen, that self discipline is hugely important, and we've discussed that also in the holistic you, which I'm assuming you have already read, another thing That Harlequin heroes have. He leads, she follows. She's feisty, she's not a pushover, but he unmistakably leads, and she finds it thrilling and delightful to be led. Lessons there for anyone who really wants to know what women want. The man, a harlequin hero, has a mission. He's not just ambling through life. He has a mission. There's a measurable goal. He wants to save the family farm, or to save the family business, or he's doing something that is meaningful. He's he's building something, he's moving the world, and that makes it possible for him to move her world. He has a relationship with his family, not necessarily everyone. Sometimes he has a broken relationship with his father. Sometimes she helps him mend that. That's another theme. So he is susceptible to her influence. He's not riding roughshod over her. Oh, no. He is very able for her to influence him in very positive ways. He is okay with babies. You saw from some of those titles, the billionaire and the baby. It just keeps on, keeps on cropping up. He's okay with babies. And I've spoken in the past about the strength of the family triangle. What is the family triangle. Think of father, mother baby, father, mother baby, typically, where is father's attention focused? Where is he most drawn? Father's most drawn to mother. He needs to be with her. He needs to feel intimate and close to her mother. Mother feels close and intimate to baby and baby, well, baby, ordinarily would feel drawn and close to mom, but Dad builds a relationship with baby, and so the ultimate strength of the family triangle is where the woman goes against biology
Daniel Lapin 38:41
and focuses her attention and her longing on her husband. And the husband goes against his biological instincts. Yes, we human beings can and must overcome our biology, and he overcomes his biological instincts to be focused on her, and he focuses on baby, and that baby does exactly what baby's supposed to do, which is focuses on mom. And there you've got that rotating triangle of strength. Mother, shockingly And surprisingly, contrary to biology, is focusing on Dad, dad, contrary to biology, focusing on baby. Baby's too young to change his biology, and neither should he. And baby focuses on Mommy. Mommy focuses on Daddy, Daddy focuses on baby, and you've got an unmistakable and unbreakable triangle of strength going on there. And so these then are the hallmarks of Professor Harlequins heroes. This tells us what women really want in a man. It's simple and easy to see. He is moneyed. He is principled and powerfully so. Disciplined. He leads, she follows in a flurry of delight and ecstasy. He has a mission. He's purposeful about life. He has something of a relationship with his family. It may not be perfect, it may be flawed, but she helps to cure that. He is influenced by her to be even better. He can relate to babies, and he's good-looking. I list that one at the end because the reality is, it's the least important. One thing is for for sure, and and you know, you've seen this around as much as I have. There are very few men who couldn't do something to improve their personal appearance. They can and should do that. And so when women use money as a barometer of ambition and future focus and getting on well with other men and somebody who has vision and discipline and also power. Women do want powerful men, men who can lead them. That's a reality. How do I know all that easy? The famous professor, Harlequin, somebody who can be relied upon to tell us what women really want. You know why? Because women told him, and they told him in the most reliable way possible, with their money, and that is as far as we go today, which is perhaps just as well, because seems to be about as far as my voice is going to carry us today. So thank you for being part of the show. Make sure that you think about becoming a happy warrior. Join the happy warrior community. Just go to Rabbi Daniel lapin.com WWW dot Rabbi Daniel lapin.com and join the Happy Warrior community. You'll find value in that. And make sure that you give people the gift of the book, The Holistic You, because it'll change their lives, just as it is changing yours. Have a wonderful week and until our next tree of Lapin, until our next show, I want to wish you a wonderful week of progress with your family and your faith and your finances, your fitness and your family. God bless you.
