TRANSCRIPT
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The Rabbi Daniel Lapin Podcast
Episode: Avoid Therapy: Here Is How To Change Your Feelings
Date: 5/13/24 Length: 38:40
Daniel Lapin 0:07
Greetings, happy warriors. And welcome to the Rabbi Daniel Lapin show where I, your rabbi reveal how the world really works. Thanks for being part of the show. And as always, I very much appreciate you telling folks about the show and your efforts are bearing fruit because as any of you who are interested can see, our subscription numbers are going up. Which reminds me, if you haven't yet subscribed now, it'd be a great time to do it. Thank you very much indeed, much appreciated. And we go back to the days of prior to Great Britain leaving the European Union, that famous Brexit, and for a period of time Prime Minister Boris Johnson, and Boris Johnson had a girlfriend, and her name was Petronella Wyatt. And roundabout the end of April, early May 2024. She wrote a piece in the British paper, the Telegraph, and she entitled it feminism has left middle-aged women like me, single, childless and depressed. And it's a rather remarkable article, she says she's 54 years old, and she bought into the entire line of feminism. She bought it hook, line, and sinker that men and women are essentially the same. And just as men find pleasure in short-term sexual hookups, women could do the same. And just as men find ultimate meaning in making money, well, women can as well. And so she said, so there it is. She's 54. She has a career. She is a well-known journalist, however, she is single, childless and depressed. And there it is. Where did all this come from? Well, it turns out that if we go back to 1923, there was a sociologist student, a young woman called Margaret Mead. And she was a student of a Jewish academic, by the name of Franz Boas, from Germany, he had emigrated to the United States from Germany. And she was his graduate student. And she was following his teachings. And his teachings were that there is nothing biologically different about men and women. Everything that we are familiar with in terms of male-female differences, are socially conditioned. So for instance, he would explain that the reason that girls like playing with dolls and boys like playing with trucks is because they are conditioned to think that way. Their parents expected and so the parents give Little Girls dolls, and they give little boys trucks, they get used to it. However, if anybody would do it the other way around, little girls would be comfortable playing with trucks and guns, and little boys would be happy playing with dolls. Now, this sounds preposterous today to anybody other than a university academic. But there was a time that Franz Boas was very persuasive about this, obviously, since then, this has been entirely debunked by a bunch of fairly clever experiments, detecting preferences in day old babies and so on and so forth. But bottom line is that he sent Margaret Mead off to do her dissertation. And so she went off to Samoa. And she got involved with some other stuff there. And I'm not exactly sure what it was, but I don't think it was very academic.
Daniel Lapin 4:30
And suddenly, it was time for her to get back go back to New York, and she realized she hadn't done very much. So she got hold of two young Samoan girls and I happened to have their names here: Fahapur Fahamar And Forfohapurmela. I may not have the pronunciation exactly right. But these were two young 16 year old girls in Samoa. And she asked them questions revolving around sexuality, and whether girls initiated interest or whether boys initiated interest. Well, like, you know, 16 year ago, girls, in most places, they were extremely uncomfortable and awkward about this white woman visitor, questioning them about things that in their culture don't get spoken about in public and with strangers. And so, they took refuge from their embarrassment in making a joke of the whole thing. And in their own language, they said to one another, let's reverse everything and just talk nonsense. And so they told her how in their culture, the girls initiated brazenly and picked out boys, and the boys were Coy and withdrawn. And, and that's basically how it went, they elaborated on this and carried on and on and on. Well, Margaret Mead was as excited as could be. And she ended up writing a book called Coming of Age in Samoa, this book was an absolute sensation, this was published in 1928. And it became an international bestseller it was so provocative and cutting edge and, and ended up ended all it showed, you see, there is a culture on Earth, where boys and girls have different characteristics in terms of aggression and, and seeking out the other sex and so on. And as a result of that, she became a heroine. And boy was, you know, became a hero because it was his student. And so this showed that we could easily basically have validated social engineering, we could easily make a women act like men and men act like women. And here's the interesting part. This was the foundation, the very start of the first wave of feminism. This is how it all began. So you see, there's nothing wrong with women acting out like men. It's perfectly natural and perfectly normal. The whole thing built on a hoax by two 16 year old Samoan girls. Well, it turns out time has gone by and it's now 2024. This happened in 1923 20 years. She went there in 1923. No, I'm sorry. She arrived in Samoa in August 1925. To do her field work. And she died by the way in 1978. It turns out in 1988, 10 years after Margaret Mead died ForAhPaula, who was then 86 years old, told a Samoan government official, who happened to be the son of FOA FOA, her late friend who passed away a little bit earlier, that everything that she and her friend told Margaret Mead, about the sexual behavior of Samoan boys and girls on that fateful night of March the 13th 1926 was untrue. It was simply a hoax, as it turns out, overwhelming ethnographic evidence by now shows that Samoan adolescents are no different from adolescents anywhere else in the world. Boys are sexually aggressive and active, and girls are sexually Coy and shy. And so the entire feminist movement built on a hoax perpetrated by Margaret Mead, who has a lot of other negative points to her discredit as it turns out, but at any rate, that is what what became the foundational theory of a feminism. Now, the reason I tell you about this is because it is possible for
Daniel Lapin 9:41
men and women to overcome their natures, their instincts, and to actually change even the essential masculine nature of men and the essential feminine nature of women by activity So this is really important. And this is the the central theme of today's show what I really wanted you to understand, and what I wanted you to be able to, to utilize in your life as you grow your family life, your finances, your fitness, your friendships and your faith. And here is the principle. The principle is, if you don't like the way you feel about something or someone start acting the way you would act if you already felt the way you wished you'd feel. And before you know where you are, you will be feeling that way. Let me give you a very simple and straightforward example. Let's imagine that there's somebody at work that you loathe this person just makes every hour at work a misery for you. It's it's somebody just gets on your nerves, a real jerk. What are your choices, you can try and get the jerk fired very often that fails dismally. You can leave yourself and go to work somewhere else. But here's the problem. You see this, this jerks black in most places, and wherever you go, you'll find this another one that bothers you there as well. You can try and change the duck joke, but that's a total waste of time. And finally, the only way that works is you can change the way you feel about the jerk. Because if the jump doesn't worry you anymore, then it's as if he's no longer a jerk, even though he may be but it doesn't matter. Because it doesn't worry you anymore. How do you avoid worrying you? It's very simple. Let me say that rule once more, if you don't like the way you feel about something, or someone start acting towards that person, or about that person the way you would, if you already felt the way you wished you felt.
Daniel Lapin 12:01
And so to give you an example, in this case, you're asked for the jerk before you go out for lunch, can you bring him back some coffee, bring the jerk a gift, little pen one day and say, you know, I came across this, it just seems something you'd like. And after a little bit of time, the joke will be bewildered, he's not going to understand why you're behaving that way. But he'll be happy. But more importantly, because you are acting as if you really like him, even though you love yourself, for giving gifts to the jerk. The result is he stops feeling like a jerk to you. That's the most amazing thing. And I can prove it to you. And I will as soon as I asked you to sign up and become an official, happy warrior. It's a way you can have of giving back in the sense that I'm hoping that week after week, that here we deliver something to you of use and value in your lives. And based on some of the comments we get and based on letters we've received. I think that is the case and that for many of you, you are able to hear some of the more challenging ideas. And you're able to grapple with some of the more provocative insights. And you're able to incorporate some of the helpful things into your pursuit of success in your five F's. And if that is the case. It never works well for human beings to be takers and not give us because God created us to be much more effective givers than we are takers. And we are happier and more fulfilled as givers rather than takers. One of the reasons by the way that we have children, because children, little kids are takers, as much as you give they will take and it's so valuable and so important to have in our lives, takers. It's one of the reasons that whenever I give a charitable gift, I thank the person who solicited the contribution from me. And sometimes they react in in in a baffled way. And they asked me why and I said it's because I really do appreciate that you're here. For me, I value giving. And sometimes I need a little bit of a push because it's not a natural thing to give. It's counterintuitive that somehow by giving I benefit more in several different ways. I'm only talking about one today. And so yeah, having children or having any body that stimuli light's you to give of yourself is very, very valuable. It makes you into a more vibrant person, it makes you into a larger human being.
Daniel Lapin 15:12
And so, for that reason, for that reason, I invite you to become a happy warrior, because not only will you benefit from being part of a community of happy warriors, and not only will you have access, free access to a vast library of material, videos, training sessions, programs, financial prosperity, all kinds of things. As soon as you become a special access, happy warrior, you have access to everything whenever you like, you have access to personalized deep dives that Susan Lapin and I do, they're all kinds of things. And in addition to that, you help to make it possible for us to bring this to you. So simply go to the website, www Rabbi Daniel lapin.com. And go ahead, join the happy warrior community become part of the happy warrior community, I think you'll enjoy it, I think you'll find benefit in it, I think you'll find it useful. And of course, from my perspective, I deeply cherish each and every one of our happy warriors community, I said I would give you some evidence for why it is that you feel more attached when you are a giver, not just a taker. And so when you give to the jerk, you actually start liking him and you'll you'll be puzzled. There'll be a part of you that will say, Gosh, this, this joke has really started improving, he's become a semi decent human being, He probably hasn't really changed, but your feelings about him have changed. And that's really all that matters. One of the interesting questions we should ask is, who loves who more? In general? Do children love parents more? Or do parents love children more? Generally, in the parent child relationship, the child is the taker, and the parent is the giver. And so you would have thought that the recipient of the Child who is the beneficiary of so much good from the parents should love the parents with overflowing boundless abundance, don't work that way. Parents love children much more than children love parents. That is clear, I think to most people, right? It's a reality. And that is because when you give you feel closer to the recipient, and that's why it is in ancient Jewish wisdom in discussions about judges remaining dispassionate and and attached to either litigant. It gives as an example. Any judge who did a favor for one of the litigants has to recuse himself from the case. Wait a sec, did I say that right shouldn't have been any judge who accepts a bribe or a gift from one of the litigants should recuse him because he tend to favor that litigant. A much stronger bond is formed from the giver to the receiver than from a receiver to the giver. So it may be possible to bribe a judge by giving a judge by giving him something but the the depth of commitment and the emotional attachment is far greater. When the judge has done something for one of the parties. And at that point, it's almost impossible for him to judge dispassionately. And so that is the general rule. Our spiritual side is shaped by our physical side, our emotions, our thoughts, our heart, our mind, our psychology, all the aspects of a spiritual being are sculpted by the actions that we take. So for instance, something that fascinates me is the vast increase in the number of violent crimes committed by women. As a matter of fact, when you sometimes will see a news videos
Daniel Lapin 19:40
of street crimes or when there's a group of, of people attacking an individual or destroying a restaurant. It's shocking how many women are now involved. X crimes of violence that never Used to be committed by women are now being committed by women. How do you explain it? Well, I don't think there's, as far as I know, there's no way of explaining it from the point of view of evolutionary biology, because it's not the way women behaved 20 30 40 100 years ago, crimes of violence were almost exclusively the province of male perpetrators. Women did crimes, but not of violence. But now, violent crimes are being committed by women. How do you explain it? It's very simple, my friends, abortion is the explanation. How's that? Well, when enough women in a society have subjected themselves to an abortion, that action makes them feel less empathy to babies, and to other people in general. Ordinarily, women have more empathy than men do. One of the reasons that men are more capable of inflicting violence than women always used to be that way. But what happens is that when a woman kills her own baby, she becomes less compassionate to anybody else in general, she destroys some of her own sense of compassion, making her more capable of violence, and when multiplied by millions of women around the country, and, and even though it's a certain percentage of women that have had abortions, it doesn't matter statistically, over the vast body of women in the country, it's enough to have a statistically significant consequence. And that's exactly what we see happening. And it's so very important to understand. It is possible for women and men to act in ways that have an effect on their essential nature.
Daniel Lapin 22:15
An interesting piece caught my eye in the Wall Street Journal of May the 11th 2024. It's written by a woman called Katie Roiphe. And she writes, to cook or not to cook. I want a rich, consuming working life. But I also wanted our at the end of the day, when I step out of work and anxiety is to measure preheat and marinate. And she describes how she saw her father, being a very giving person and, and connecting with other people through his cooking, she says, and she followed a career path, resulting in her not taking care of people not preparing a meal, she misses it. And I think that that is extremely interesting and, and very much of what we're talking about. It's possible over a period of time, when a woman acts in a certain way, she suppresses her intuitive and instinctive feminine nature, in the same way, by the way, that that men can suppress, inhibit and possibly even obliterate their essential masculine nature by acting in non masculine ways. For instance, we know for a fact, which fascinated me when I came across this. We know that when men make themselves cry, and make themselves susceptible to emotions that result in weeping, that testosterone levels go down. So when your grandfather told you, boys don't cry, he was onto something. He was absolutely on to something. And boys who do cry, well, they diminish their masculinity. Exactly. In other words, how you act will have an effect in sculpting your spiritual beam, your emotions, your psychology, your feelings, your thinking, actions, impact feelings, there will be a quick and easy way of describing it. actions impact your feelings. And so you have to know right? You can harm yourself by the actions you take. We shape our souls by our actions and We got to be aware of that. And so if you want your in eternal nature to be a certain way, act as if it already was just exactly that way. Attempts to actually change the nature of a woman or a man do not go well.
Daniel Lapin 25:26
Interesting case in point, there is an app that launched to great fanfare, it was launched by a very intelligent, bright, young woman entrepreneur. And it sort of seemed to be okay coming out of the gate and seemed to be a great idea was called Bumble. And the idea was that women would be the ones to initiate action, not men on Tinder, men actually take the initiative. And, and so in this case, women are the ones who swipe right. And are the ones who look at a profile and say, Yeah, okay, and they reach out to the man and say, hi, you know, I saw your profile, and I'm interested, what are you, you know, where whatever she wants to do. And it sort of seemed to be okay. However, over the last few years, bumble has had a very big losing money streak. In other words, it looked like a promising idea. Many people invested because, hey, you know, this is just what women want. Instead of women being barraged by connection requests, from vast numbers of creeps, crooks and cranks, all of a sudden, it's now the woman who's in charge, what can go wrong to great idea, accepting in 2023, it lost nearly $2 million. In 2022, it lost 80 million. And in the in the fourth quarter, I'm just trying to look at the financial statements here, in the fourth quarter, bumble had a net loss of 32 million. So
Daniel Lapin 27:22
here's how Bumble describes this. I mean, think of it as an incredible innovation, right? of letting Okay, so here's what's happened in order to stem the hemorrhage of money. And in order to get things coming back onto target, they came up with the idea of reversing course. And it's now just like every other dating app on Bumble, also men are the ones who initiate and it's worked. You know why? Because women told Bumble, it's just too much. It's too hard. We don't want to do it. We were not made to initiate sexual contact with men, not in American Samoa, and not in Beverly Hills or Manhattan. It's not how it's supposed to work. And so on the surface of it Bumbles seem to have a really good idea. In reality, they have changed and completely modified. It now lets women choose a question that is sent out to any match. And, and then you sit back and let the guy do the work to get the good chat going. Why is Bumble doing this after 10 years 10 long years, their stock price has plummeted 86%. And the company just fired 1/3 of their employees. Social engineering cannot change facts about human courtship. Men make the first move because they need to. Women do not want to make that first move. It's exactly the same reason that even now after 60 years of gender egalitarianism, the overwhelming majority of couples who got married last year, and the overwhelming majority of couples that are going to get engaged and married this year, will be engaged because the man got down on a knee and gave a woman a ring and said make me the happiest guy in the world and marry me, would you? And your thought, wouldn't you after 60 years of sexual feminine egalitarianism and 60 years of feminism, don't you think by now half the weddings should be because a woman goes down on one knee and says to the guy Hey, please take this Rolex watch and make me the happiest girl in the world by marrying me. Would you marry me? Doesn't work. doesn't work. There are in fact, tragically humorous videos on the internet of women who not only made the horrible mistake of proposing to a man, but they did so publicly with a video camera in attendance. And in doing so, they successfully recorded their own humiliations. It's sad, but it doesn't work. You see, it doesn't work. The essential nature of women is reticence in the area of sexual contact. And they react to the man's initiating, and the the body. The human body is a physical echo of the spiritual reality, in the sense that for a woman, the organs of sexual connection, are modest and hidden. Can't see them from outside with men. That jutting evidence of arrogant masculinity could hardly be more out there. That's the essential difference in nature, between men and between women. And so there are all kinds of attempts to change reality and social engineer us. And while it is possible for a woman to change herself, and decide she's just like a man, like Petronella, Wyatt did, and devote herself entirely to her career and her work and sound just like a man I will find deep value in that doesn't work. It's an it's enough to cause havoc in a generation, where enough women like Petronella, Wyatt reach middle age realizing was kind of a mistake, a sad, unrecoverable, horrible, tragic mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. And so it's important if you know as a man or as a woman, you have to know what your basic feminine or masculine essence is really all about. And it's not different from any other woman's or any other man's. But a woman's essential femininity is quite different from a man's essential masculinity. And so in contemporary society, if a young child starts showing various feminine behaviors, the first thing they do is they caught their child off to a gender dysphoria specialist who in the United States of America, although in Europe, they've cut back substantially on this in the United States of America, they will still rush towards applying hormone therapy and and delaying the child's puberty and moving horrifyingly quickly to surgery. In reality, it's, you know, perfectly natural and perfectly normal. And as soon as that little boy who's behaving in certain feminine ways, or in a little girl is behaving in masculine ways, you just ignore it, you just carry on. And you treat the little boy like a little boy and treat little girl like a little girl. And pretty soon, everything straightens out. But to start taking an 11 year old child's behavior, as somehow indicative of some deep underlying gender dysphoria, what a tragedy What a travesty. What a horror, it's madness. That's not the way these things work. And they're not that's not the way these things ought to work.
Daniel Lapin 34:06
The fact is, that women in today's culture and in today's economy, there are many areas in which a woman is perfectly capable of building a successful career, particularly the way the culture is now where dei lends itself forces companies to hire a woman rather than a man. I mean, it's a great time for a woman to pretend to be a man great time. It's a great time for women to try and build a career. I'm not saying that women are going to enjoy careers in construction, or long distance truck driving or, or crane operation or track rigging. I'm not saying that but I'm saying that there are enough ways in which women can succeed professionally. So I'm not saying women can't but I am saying is you that the act of making money provides a deep, solid, positive surge of emotion to a male psyche than it does to a female. Women can earn money just like a man can no question about it. It doesn't have the same meaning to her. For a man earning money provides deep, masculine validation, not for a woman. And so, it's important because, again, I just, I saw again, a Wall Street Journal piece, which was interesting. Andy Kessler writes many people under the age of 35 seem to need their careers to provide psychic rewards for them to get out of bed every morning, give me a break. 70% of employees said their sense of purpose is defined by their work. And employers need to help meet this need. Really? Don't employers provide a paycheck? Isn't that it? And this is a perfect explanation for why we need our latest book, The holistic you, man or woman who tells me that their chief satisfaction in life comes from their job, I believe that I'm going to help you you've got to escape that trap. It's horrible. Your Satisfaction In Life should come from your finances, yes, but also your family connections, your friendships, your physical fitness, and your connection with the spiritual. And that provides a full package of life satisfaction. But to think that a career can provide you with all the satisfaction you need in life, you're going to find yourself looking for therapy or psychiatric or psychological assistance very soon, and what's more, your work will probably pay for it.
Daniel Lapin 37:14
It's I don't I don't mean to laugh, because this is going on and it's sad. But this idea that people think that their satisfaction in life comes from the job. It's bad enough when men make that mistake. And with men, making money is a source of deep internal masculine satisfaction. A woman will never know that it's different. But for a woman to believe that all she needs in life is a great career. Read Petronella why at the age of 54 feminism has has left me single, alone and depressed. Thank you feminism. And thank you, ladies and gentlemen in a totally different spirit. I mean it sincerely. Thank you for being part of the rabbi Daniel Lapin show where I your rabbi reveal as you know how the world really works. And I wish you a wonderful week until we're together next time. Here on the rabbi Daniel Lapin show. I wish you a week of growth, moving onwards and upwards with your family, with your finances, with your friendships, with your faith, and with your physical fitness. God bless.
