TRANSCRIPT
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The Rabbi Daniel Lapin Podcast
Episode: Thugs Or Wimps Are Easy - Real Men Are Much Harder
Date: 03/10/23 Length: 1:18:42
Daniel Lapin 0:00
Greetings, happy warriors. Welcome to each and every one of you to the Rabbi Daniel Lapin show where I, your rabbi reveals how the world really works. Yes, each and every one of you happy warriors. Yes, you and you, and you is a welcome part of our community of happy warriors happy? Yes, well, that's because you are someone who has come to understand that happiness is not a reaction. Happiness is a decision. You don't need outside factors to make you happy, you have decided that your default condition for happiness, and this is a reasoned, determined and deliberate decision to be happy. And that is a blessing not only for you, but especially for the people who are fortunate enough to live with you, and to work with you. Because to be alongside a person who has made the happy warrior decision to be happy, is a huge blessing. And you're also a warrior, because you understand that joyful success in life comes from constantly struggling against the natural resistance, that in the very nature of the world tends to obstruct, and handicap, and resist every positive step you make in the direction of improving yourself and improving your life. You know that I call it spiritual gravity, right? It's present everywhere, it's so natural, that we begin to just think of it as an ordinary part of the world, which it is. And just as gravity tends to pull everything downwards. So it is that this force against happiness and against success tends to pull you downwards. You try to get airborne, and it tries to keep you earth bound. In every effort you make to improve any one or all of your five F's. Every effort you make to improve your family life, your friends, your for your life, and friendships, your social life, your faith life, your finance life, and particularly your fitness life. I mean, everybody knows that the force of resistance springs up to make it really hard when you try and become fitter, healthier, stronger. And so whatever you do, in every effort you make to improve any of your five F's, this force, spiritual gravity, throws up obstacles and temptations. But as a happy warrior, you know, that every single victory you win, no matter how small, it brings other victories in its wake. And so that's why we are not just warriors. And we're not just happy go lucky is.
Daniel Lapin 3:23
But we are happy warriors. And one of the things that happy warriors realize is there, our whole ability to progress, our success and our happiness and our achievements. And our accomplishments depend upon our ability to impose our own limits on our own freedom. In other words, self restraint. In other words, self discipline. In other words, the ability to make a plan and stick to it, an ability to make sure that things are scheduled and calendered and deadlines and to stick to it. That's right. Being able to step off that slippery slide, that seductive ride of freedom, and imposing upon ourselves, restraints, restrictions, and regulation. That is the direction in which happiness and success lie. Because so many people confuse freedom with license. licentiousness means doing whatever your feelings gray you towards doing. And if you look around you in society, whether you live in Europe or Asia, or Africa or North America, or US, Australia, and we've got listeners in all those places, you will find people who believe that freedom and licentiousness aren't exactly the same thing. Freedom in, in real terms, is what you get only when you are truly capable of imposing limits and restraints upon your feelings, and emotions and desires. And where that is so particularly important is when you are being carried along by an avalanche of emotions. Coming to trust our emotions is a very dangerous thing. And every happy warrior realizes that emotions are wonderful, we should all have emotions, and we should all feel wonderful emotions, like love, and appreciation, and gratitude and compassion. We should not indulge in emotions, anger, and jealousy. Emotions are real. But happy warriors do not regulate our lives on the basis of our emotions. We impose limits and restraints and controls and restrictions, rather than just acting on our emotions and doing whatever we feel like.
Daniel Lapin 6:10
And if you look around, wherever you live on whichever continent you live, you happy warriors Look around you. And you will see unsuccessful people with no hope in the world, but who are camouflaging their sense of emptiness by engaging in acting on feelings, they act on their feelings. And sometimes this is called having fun. But even more importantly, then learning that it's a huge mistake to act on our emotions. It is actually seven orders of magnitude more dangerous to think, according to our emotions, because that really makes you a prisoner. To be a prisoner of the body is bad enough. But to be a prisoner of the mind, that is unbearable. The dreadful danger is thinking that one is being rational, when in reality, one's entire line of thinking is being driven by emotions. Please, please, please, dear happy warrior for your own good. You must know that this is true. And if you're not sure, don't go any further explore this, study this, argue this and debate this until you come to see the truth. Which is that it is frighteningly easy for us human beings frighteningly easy for us to think we're being rational. And yet, in reality, we're being swept along by what the crowd is thinking, or what social media is telling us or what the the news media is telling us. You got to know. And if you do doubt is one of the surest ways of coming right on this and having the tools to dramatically start improving your life. Once you realize that you must have the freedom to make independent thinking a priority. Just look back in your own life. Think about decisions you have made in your own life. And I'm presuming that you are somebody who's lived for at least two decades on the surface of this planet on which God placed us. Just think back about decisions you made in your own life, while in the grip of emotions, like anger, love, desire, jealousy. Remember the time you decided to spend a lot of money on something you barely ever used. Remember the person with whom you formed an alliance that you later wish you'd never met? Remember the time you let fly at someone and said things you wish you'd never said. This has happened to all of us. All of us who have lived on this planet for at least two decades are want to help you learn to avoid allowing your emotions to cloud your thinking. Most importantly, I want to help you identify when it is happening. Because it is so easy for it to happen. It's so easy for the emotions of your heart to overwhelm the rational thoughts of your brain and for you to be blissfully and often tragically unaware of the of the danger.
Daniel Lapin 10:02
As your rabbi, I see my sacred mission is teaching you how you can best employ the timeless truths of ancient Jewish wisdom, to avoid being bamboozled to make sure you don't get conned, to try and stop yourself getting bilked and duped and deceived, to stop yourself getting gypped and hoodwinked, and swindled, and ripped off. Because all of those things happen when we act and think on our emotions, all of these bad things happen when we make ourselves vulnerable to our emotions. Now here is one of those permanent principles of ancient Jewish wisdom that is useful to everybody, regardless of your religious background. Regardless of maybe you have no religious but it doesn't matter. Because timeless truths are true for everybody. And whether I learn the principles of gravity from my physics textbook, or whether I learned them from experience, it doesn't matter. But my life will be less painful. If I understand what gravity is and how it works, I will be less likely to assume that I can float around without penalty. And so it is that another timeless truth is that the more powerful something is, the more powerful it can be in both the positive and the negative direction. And so, the intensity, or power of a force is an objective reality.
Daniel Lapin 12:03
Let me give you an example. Fire. Fire is one of the primary forms of energy that we encounter, it can heat our homes in winter. It is what drives a one of the great miracles of modern transport the automobile, it is fire within the cylinders, that drives the piston downwards that turns the crank wheel that turns the drive shaft that goes to the differential and turns the wheels and makes the call move. Fire is incredibly valuable. Fire is what allows us to melt metals and casts the things we need. Fire is what helps us produce plastic and rubber. Fire, it fires what we use to produce electricity. Whether we burn coal or natural gas, or what even if we even if we use nuclear power. We don't actually have flames, but we produce heat. But fire is immensely powerful. So I've just told you all the good things that fire does. But I haven't told you about all the the dreadfully destructive and painful things that fire does. You know a lot of people speak about how the nuclear bombs of Hiroshima and Nagasaki in August of 1945 saved America from invading having to invade Japan. The reality probably is that America would not have actually invaded Japan, those atom bombs didn't save American lives, in my view as much as they saved Japanese lives. Because what was happening at that point, and what was going to now start happening in the summer of 1945. At far greater ferocity was that over 13,000 bombers. Think of what think of what 100 Airplanes looks like. And now put 10 of those groups of 10 you got 100 and now put 10 of those. Imagine seeing 1000 airplanes in the sky. And now multiply that by 15. It's hard to believe the amount of war material that America Built between December the seventh 1941 and August 1945 that America was able to have over 15,004 engine bombers dropping napalm and incendiary bombs in other words, a fire on the cities of Japan. The area of Tokyo. By the time of the dropping of the atom bombs, the area of the city of Tokyo was more than 50% incinerated. The deaths and the suffering were horrendous. And so talking about right what fire can do all you got to think about what fire did to the cities of Japan before Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Think of what bombs and fire did to London and to Coventry, and several other cities in the United Kingdom during the Luftwaffe blitz against the United Kingdom in 1940. Think of the bombing of Dresden in Germany that incinerated an entire city, that fire so intense that people suffocated, lit before they were burned, they suffocated, because the fire was just sucking up all the oxygen and you literally could not breathe within the vicinity of the fire. It's hard to even conceive and imagine this kind of of intensity. And yet, yep, all right, you get the idea right, fire is wonderful. And fire is also incredibly destructive.
Daniel Lapin 16:21
What is the equivalent of fire that I'm discussing? Male Female attraction, my friends. And this is something that happy warriors fully understand and fully appreciate the intensity of it is the equivalent of fire. As a matter of fact, interestingly enough, the Hebrew word for a man and a woman, the way it sounds, for those of you who want to hear this ish is a man isha, is a woman. The word for fire is esh, can you hear the similarity? Fire, man, woman, Esh, ish, ishaA, all that's changing is the vowel. But this is one of those permanent principles that emerges from the miracles of the Lord's language of the Hebrew language. That's exactly right. It is a fiery force. And on the one hand, it is the primary bonding agent in society.
Daniel Lapin 17:31
As I've explained, when I teach about the F of family, somebody I somebody recently was in contact with me and I asked him how things are going with his five F's. And he went through them, he said, on the faith front, reasonably well, fitness, I need to work out a little bit more. And he went through everything. And he said, family, everything great, I've got a great relationship with my parents and my siblings, and, and I am close with my two daughters. And then he went on. So I went back to him. And I said, I know, obviously, that you're divorced. And I know you've been divorced for many years. And I think all of that is wonderful. But you have to know when I speak about the F of family, obviously included in that is sexual relationships. And so my question is, is there a woman in your life? And there was a little bit of a delay before I got an answer? And he said, I see what you mean. And I have to I have to do something about that. Yes, of course you do. Because the basic structure of society is something we call the family and family is the result of male female sexuality, as I often like to say, the only reason that you have terrific cousins, and eccentric uncles and, and delightful aunts. The only reason is because many, many years ago, grandpa and grandma found joy in one another's arms. That's why it is. And so we've got to recognize the power of sex, the power of male female relationships, it's responsible for the major unifying power in a human society, but it is also the same power that can explode society and destroy society. When a society gets sexual relationships, right, and that means not acting on feelings. That makes that means really understanding that sex should never be the result of just a feeling. But when sex is the thing that leads to lasting marriages, and to stable families, And to children who are being cared for by diligent and dedicated mothers and fathers who love one another and their children. And above all, the transmission from parent to child, from parent to child from generation to generation, have the values the entire value system of the family, which should be the value system of the society in which they are apart. When all of that happens, you've got a society that functions, it functions economically, militarily, socially, it functions in every way. But when on the other hand, sex is allowed to be the result of feelings, and emotions, then we end up with a collection of human beings living in the same area. But it's a group of human beings that are experiencing sequential and casual encounters, which result in jealousies and aggressions and violence. And in that kind of society, no lasting commitments, no real care for children. And in that kind of society, the presumption is, oh, government will take care of the children. What a dreadful mistake that is, all you need to do, is look around at societies in Europe, and in the United States, particularly, in which you are now seeing major portions of society where sex is destroying the cultural bond, and the national unity. And you will not see children being cared for, you will see children being cared for by the government. They spend most of their days in a GIC, a government indoctrination camp, something that used to be known as public schools. And then they are cared for by school meals and and they move from one parent to another, or else they are being taken care of by a single mum, who herself is essentially a dependent of government. And all you got to do is look around at the society like that, to know it's not working and to know, that's not what you want, in your little society, know what you want in your circle. And to realize that even though society around you might be deteriorating dramatically, that's not necessarily where you have to go. It is possible to use your five F's to build up not just a family, but even a society, a subgroup within your society that's under friendship, your social connections, where you bond and connect with people who share the same set of values that you do. And that makes a huge difference.
Daniel Lapin 23:19
Now, one of the things that people often say to me as well, you know, what's, what's the difference? Fine. There are different ways of organizing society, you live in medieval times. And so you Rabbi Lapin think that the only way to do it, is by having a man and a woman married to one another, and who then bring children to the world and remain dedicated to one another and to the children. They are raising and educating. As I explained last week, the words brief, Be fruitful and multiply in the beginning of the book of Genesis don't actually mean be fruitful and multiply. I've spoken about that. And some of you are going to want a deeper understanding of all of this than I am going to be able to go into today. I'm going to tell you a lot in today's show. But those of you who may want a clearer and and may want to invest in getting a far more comprehensive understanding of the nature of family building and maintenance. What you're going to want is to go to my website at Rabbi Daniel lapin.com. And then in the search bar, just type in the word Madam You just type in Madam and that's going to take you to the store where you are going to find an audio program called Madam I'm Adam: Decoding the Marriage Secrets of Eden. That's right, the first few chapters of Genesis occurring in and around the garden of Eden, are essentially the foundation of the marriage manual that the manufacturer himself laid out. And in there we cover things like explaining, you know, what I just alluded to earlier, why the Hebrew words for men and women out a woman have a deeper meaning.
Daniel Lapin 25:26
Why being in the mood can destroy your marriage? What is the difference between a physically mature male and a man? Well, actually, we should talk a bit about that here as well. Who is more responsible when a couple divorces the husband or the wife? What mistake do women frequently make after children arrive in the family? And why are they two tellings of the creation story in chapter one and chapter two of Genesis. And I go into considerable detail they explaining that male and female in the first account in chapter one are basically the same. And in chapter two, well, it's a little bit different. Because there we hear a whole story about how the woman emerged from the body of the Man, as it were, what's going on there? And are we supposed to visualize that in our minds? And what are we supposed to conclude from all of that? In what way? Do the first few chapters of Genesis provide you with a 10 point strategy? For getting married, staying married, building a family successfully? How do we do that? Well, all of that is in mettam. I'm Adam decoding the marriage secrets of Eden. And by the way, Madam, I'm Adam. Well, that's a palindrome right? You can read it both ways. Madam, I'm Adam. And if you read it backwards, it still reads, madam. I'm Adam. And there's a reason for that duality, which I explain as well.
Daniel Lapin 27:10
And so for those of you who realize the full importance of this, and for those of you who realize that marriage is not just the foundation of your family, and it's not just the building block of society, but it is actually the blueprint for every act of creativity, there are certain things you have to learn, you have to realize that it is so much easier to start a business if you have a partner. And ideally, it should be a partner not like you, it should be a partner who has skills and abilities different from yours. You know, if you are a technical person, then maybe what you need is somebody who loves reading financial statements, and loves talking to customers, and you get together. But what you need to know are the basic rules of marriage apply there as well. In other words, a man marries a woman man doesn't marry another man, man, a woman doesn't marry another - yeah I know, don't, don't, don't depress me. But I'm talking about the way the world really works. Don't forget, not what people do, but the way the world really works. And it is male female marriage, that is an extremely useful model, a very, very effective blueprint to keep in mind when you are building a business partnership with somebody together with whom you hope to prosper mightily. And so all of that is also very much a part of understanding. Madam, I'm Adam, decoding the marriage secrets of Eden. And so, yeah, so what happens? It's just another way of doing things, right. People, you know, women form temporary short term liaisons and, and they have children. And so you have a bunch of single mothers. So what's you know what's so terrible? This is just another definition of family. That is what the New York Times foisted on America and the equivalent in Europe and other parts of the world roundabout starting in the 60s and into the 70s. This idea that we have escaped the tyranny of an old fashioned idea of marriage, a man and a woman married to one another, and then having children. We gotten rid of that. And a woman who has four children from four separate men, and she's got a fifth man living with her now as her boyfriend. Hey, this is just another family. And sure enough, that is exactly what the New York Times and later on, the American government actually moved towards doing. And that is why on official papers today, the word spouse has been replaced with partner. Because it doesn't matter anymore. The special status of a husband and a wife has been replaced by partner.
Daniel Lapin 30:24
Well, part of the important thing is to understand that when children are brought into the world, with no present father around as a horrifyingly large number of children are being born. And again, I'm going to talk mainly about the United States and the United Kingdom, just because I know them best. But I am assured that it is happening elsewhere around the world as well. When large proportions of children, a large proportion of the children being born, are being brought into the world without a known father, and who probably will never know their father, ask yourself, what will happen in 18 years time when those children reach adulthood? What will society be? What will it look like? Well, since this has been going on for a while, it's actually not that hard to see. And so as we accepted the idea that more and more different arrangements constitute family. Obviously, more and more children are now being born, as I said, not knowing their fathers. And what is more government in both the United Kingdom and the United States, arranged welfare support in such a way that it is actually advantageous financially, for young women to have children without being married. This is a calamity. And because it's been going on long enough, you only have to look and see, you see, it hasn't hit the whole of America, because there still is a substantial percentage of American citizens who adhere to the values of family. But there is an increasing number of Americans that have long abandoned that. And so all you got to do is look at that demographic of Americans to see how things work, when a large number of children are born, not knowing their fathers. And as we move in the direction of children born into traditional families becoming the minority, what will life be like for those children? Think of adultery. Okay. So this used to be frowned upon. The the number of people who betrayed their marriage was was very small. If you think back a generation or two or three, right? Talk about the generation that fought World War Two, adultery was hardly known. How did the military behave towards people who had affairs extramarital affairs, they actually got punished, because the military understood, just as in fact, everybody should understand that that is a tremendous black mark, on a man. It's a real question mark, can you trust somebody whose wife cannot trust him? It's a real valid question, isn't it? But today, it's taken for granted. I've actually become aware of situations where people show up at parties with a woman other than their wife, they're married, but they arrive with somebody else. And everyone understands everyone takes for granted that yeah, this is this is his girlfriend, his wife. Well, they're not. They're not actually so much together anymore these days and people talk this way. So we got to, we've got to be able to see that the what we're doing is we're handling fire in a very, very dangerous way. And the reason I'm telling you all of this is because I'm saying that in a society that is deteriorating, and society that is sliding down that slippery slope,
Daniel Lapin 34:42
it is more important than ever, that you create a family that is able to think independently, not emotionally, not in keeping with the times, but a family that is able to think in terms of true value. Use and permanent principles. So. So yes, you really have to ask yourself, if let's say there's somebody in your group, and these are very difficult situations. I have a pastor friend, who was consulting me recently on this problem. He's got somebody in his church. And it's a very vibrant, positive, wonderful church community. But things happen, as you well know. And he is grappling with the problem of a guy who is committing adultery. And the wife doesn't know yet. And my pastor friend and I were discussing the challenges because when this blows up, as it probably will, it's going to cause problems, social problems within the church. And it's as well to be forewarned. And so we were discussing, what does a church leader do in this kind of situation to forestall an explosion, because, as I said, the conventional structure of a traditional family is using the fire of sexuality, to build and to create and to bond in incredibly productive and loving ways. But what is happening in this situation, described by my pastor friend, is a fire bombing of a city. This is literally an explosion taking place and about to let fly. So yeah, of course, one has to understand these things. And so it's possible that in your social group, there might be something similar to that. You really got to decide what to do, you got to know how to handle it. And the principle that a man who betrays his marriage is essentially an untrustworthy man, you kind of got to you kind of go to recognize the reality of that it's true. Once upon a time, men have had affairs, or were embarrassed by it. But of course, that's gone today. I'll tell you something else. And this is a very important thing to understand. And that is that polygamy is a natural, but not desirable condition for humanity. Polygamy is where we violate the monogamous blueprint of marriage, the monogamous blueprint of marriage, makes sure that, you know, each man marries a woman, each woman marries a man. And because they are roughly the same number of men as they are women, this kind of works out and you have a stable society made up of a lot of marriages. Polygamy says no, polygamy recognizes that, in order to be attached to a wealthier man, a woman might be willing to be one of several wives. How do I know this? Well, it's obvious you just look around. There are many women who share a man with his other girlfriends. There are situations like that. And these women are perfectly happy to have a pot of a man's attention because they think he's a high value man, then to have the exclusive attention of somebody else. And so polygamy just institutionalizes that. So polygamy allows number one man to be married to 10, women, women, let's call them one through 10. And then men, number two, looks for women number 11. But he may take women number 11, 12, 13, and 14. So when men number three has to look for women, fifth number 15. And so you can see the problem as it develops. A monogamous model of marriage works a little bit differently, and it makes for a stable society. But what I want you to know is that polygamy is not dead. The only difference is that we today, consider it to be more socially acceptable for to be serial polygamy instead of parallel polygamy. Parallel polygamy is when a man marries two wives or three wives, so five wives, and there he is. He's married to five wives, and each woman accepts the situation. And so it goes and it kind of works. Are there parts of the world where it works reasonably? Well, I think, when I spoke I gave a speech in the city of Doha, in the country of Qatar on the Arabian Gulf. And after my speech, a gentleman in a flowing white Arab robe, which I really liked, by the way, they are very forgiving of minor flaws in the male figure, if you know what I mean, are these white Arab robes I really am thinking of trying to get one. But this gentleman came to me in a white Arab robe said, my wives enjoyed your speech and we'd like to meet you. I thought I misheard. I thought he said my wife, but I clearly heard wives. Anyway, I said, Yeah, sure. And he said, Well, they're in this room, and they went to a private room that the hotel had on the floor. And we went in and there were four young women, then charming women all spoke English very well, by the way, all wearing a mini dresses and heels. And, and we spoke about my thoughts in the My speech a little while, and after a few minutes, we ended and they all picked up their full length black outfits and covered their bodies and their heads and their faces. And they demurely walked behind their husband. And they left and and I returned back to the conference. Anyway, that was just an example of a place where polygamy seemed to work. In my view, I don't think it's desirable. I don't think we should do it but I'm not sure it's not better than serial polygamy. What is serial polygamy. Serial polygamy is a man who also marries three or four wives not all at the same time. Marries one divorces them, marries the second, divorce them, marries the third divorces her and heaven knows there are enough men who do exactly that. That is polygamy. But it leaves behind a destructive situation every time he does it. There is a woman who is now a divorcee. And that is a tough situation to be in. Whereas the parallel polygamist at least maintains relationships and responsibility and accountability to each of his wives all the time. And so if you're going to be a polygamist, I think you'd rather be a parallel polygamous than a serial polygamist. But please, I beg of you, as good happy warriors. Don't go around and putting up on social media that Rabbi Daniel Lapin proposes polygamy as a solution to human. No, please don't do that. I'm not saying that at all. I'm just saying that serial polygamy that is widely practiced in America today is worse than parallel polygamy. I said that a person who betrays his marriage cannot be trusted. Look, it's very important to know that this is not a novel idea. It's not something I just came up with today. The idea of male honor, and value is an old idea. As a matter of fact, if you think about the etymology of words in the English language, think of the word virtue. There is another word. And that word is virility. And not surprisingly, both of them go back to the Latin word for a man. And that's right. virility and virtue are what should define a man? In other words, physical vitality and spiritual vitality. That's a really important thing. What do we have with people who only have physical vitality, and no spiritual vitality? Well, you have a very destructive situation. And what about people who practice spiritual vitality, but no physical vitality? While they you have a social situation that can't endure for very long?
Daniel Lapin 44:03
Now a reality of just the way the great manufacturer created us, just in the natural order of things, little girls become women. They do. But little boys do not automatically become men. And I'm using the word man with a capital uppercase M, because the word Man means something. The great English poet Rudyard Kipling speaks about Be a man my son, be a man and he doesn't mean the natural result of a x y fertilized fetus, fertilized ovum and then a fetus. No, he's talking about what happens between birth and maturity. What happens to convert a male into a man. Because while girls will become women automatically, men, if left to themselves become either thugs or wimps. That's right. They either become men who have no spiritual reality to them at all, but only a physical reality and they become thugs. And then you've got men who end up the other way. And I'm here using the word spiritual, again, not in a value sense, not necessarily good, spiritual, bad, just spiritual meaning. You know, they're all about thought, These are the people who have daydreams, but they never actually accomplish anything. These are the the males who sit around and, do nothing but thinking but they don't actually build or accomplish or achieve anything at all. These are, you know, there's a word for them. Actually, in today's society, they are often called incels. And what that means is involuntarily celibate. Meaning Yes, they are so much not male, that they're not even comfortable building a relationship with a woman. And so they end up whether it's computer games, or listening to music, or whatever it is. They these are now very often the men of society, and the two extremes thugs and wimps, men with no system of values and no spiritual reality, they become thugs. Men with no qualities of manliness can easily devolve into wimps. And no society can endure, whose men are either thugs or wimps. And what is a man or a man is somebody who has the qualities of manliness, meaning there is virtue there, it means there's a spiritual reality bound to the timeless values that are life affirming and eternal. But at the same time, is a man who is capable of being a man, a man who recognizes the fact that he needs to look after a woman, he needs a woman in his life, whom he will be able to cherish and look after.
Daniel Lapin 47:42
But she's got to be the right sort of woman, because women have become dreadfully damaged as well. Here is an interesting question. By the way, this is a question that you should ask younger if you if you know in your life, guys, you know, in their upper teens, guys, from 13 onwards, I'd like you to try this experiment of saying to them, when were you taught what it means to be a man? And by whom? It's a really interesting question. Because what a lot of people have discovered, and I don't know if your experience will be different, if your experience is different, it probably means that you are already part of a wonderfully strong and valuable community. But what a lot of people tell me is that when they asked guys, hey, were you ever taught what it means to be a man? And if so, by whom? And when did this happen? And if the people you ask, ended up speechless, and almost embarrassed, well, that will tell you a great deal as well wanted. Thugs can best be identified by their behavior in public. They're noisy, they're violent, easily violent. They, they're they're comportment, and their even their posture reveals utter contempt for society around them. Now, once upon a time, the process of beginning to turn a boy into a man was teaching him how to speak to an adult. And used to say, you say to your boy, hey, when you speak to an adult, this is what you should do. And you can still travel in some of the better parts of the United States of America. When if you speak to a young boy, he'll stand up. He wants to talk to you while he's sitting. And he'll address you as sir. Or ma'am. Yes, there are still people in United States of America and elsewhere around the world doing a wonderfully competent job. up at turning their boys into men. Another way you can tell the thug is the way he treats women. Again, you raise a boy to treat a woman respectfully, that in female company, their their behavior is different. They don't talk the same way as they would when No, no, no women are around. And it's first around their mothers and sisters and then it's around other girls. And they're taught to open the door for the woman and to pull out chairs and to stand up when a woman enters the room and to offer their their seat to a woman if there are no other chairs, etc, etc. The language they they don't use vulgar language in the presence of women. That's how it be. That's how it was. But thugs can best be identified by the way they treat women. Gosh, I don't have to give you examples. You just have to walk outside in in in any major city to see how thugs treat women. You know, women don't like to be yelled at by men. Women do not want to have to walk past a group of leering young guys, you know, to to hear them making rude comments and vulgar innuendos. But that's normal today. That's how the thug behaves. And the wimp is the other extreme right? It doesn't have anything to do with physical appearance or size. It's, it's a spiritual thing. It's an internal thing.
Daniel Lapin 51:43
It's you know, wimps. wimps, are short of a manly spirit. But still, what is the manly spirit? I'll explain if you don't know, you probably know already. But there is a part of manliness, which contains ambition, enterprise, the the willingness to confront even anger but the ability to control it. Manliness means that a man wants possessions and acquisition, he desires to own things. And yes, I think in spite of the fact that we are told that today, many young men don't want to get their driver's license, they are not interested in driving, I would suggest that not true for everybody. But that might suggest on a larger scale, a diminishing of manliness and a move towards women patients, because owning things, is a legitimate manly ambition. When the notoriously narcissistic World Economic Forum that meets indulgently in the Swiss ski resort of Davos every year, they repeatedly issue statements about how we must move to a non owning society, where you will rent everything you want. And yes, I mean, I've certainly made use of, of Uber and other rideshare services. And yes, I've made use of the fact that I rent my software instead of owning it, I realized that these things are happening. But at the same time, I also realize that a part of manliness is to actually own things in the world. And even Yes, to own your wife. Now, I don't mean that in a derogatory sense. And I don't mean that in the sense that your wife is your shatel, or your belonging or you actually own her. I'm talking about it in the deepest sense of realistic understanding of the relationship.
Daniel Lapin 54:06
The meaning of why in the Western world, a wife usually takes her husband's name. So she becomes part of him. He takes her as it were, and and why it is that just a part of femininity is to want to belong to a man. I'm his. And where a man will say, remember, you're my girl. Okay, that's it may be language, but it's reflective of a deep emotional reality. And so owning things is part of a manliness, part of a thug is destroying things. Absolutely. No, no only destroying stealing things and then destroying things as thuggish. pneus. And for wimps. It's not owning things at tall for a man. It's a deep commitment to defend not only himself and his family and his his possessions, but also his honor, and his country to defend truth, and goodness and justice, all of these things are part of what a man is you get it. A man isn't a wimp and a man isn't a thug. A man is something quite separate and distinct, quite remarkable. Because for society to function, we need men. Once we have a society, in which the majority of men are either thugs or wimps, it's very, very close to the end. But nonetheless, in your little world, in your society, in your circle of family and friends, you can venerate the role of man, you can help make sure young boys are educated to become men, you can make sure that when those young boys are one day asked, Hey, Who taught you to be a man, that they will point back to their encounter with you whether you are a father or an uncle, or a brother or a friend or just somebody around? It's always good for young boys to be able to say, that was the person who began to help me understand what it means to be a man. Because if we don't help turn Boys Into Men, by themselves, they will become thugs or wimps, in a way quite different from young girls. And whether we are talking about raising our son's, or whether we're talking about raising ourselves, you know, perhaps Perhaps you're a happy warrior listening who's an 18 year old male, and you're thinking to yourself, yes, I have to grow into a man, I mustn't fall into the trap of being a thug, or a wimp. And those are the easiest to happen, because we all tend easily towards extremes, right? It's much easier to go to the extreme of being an alcoholic, or the extreme of having zero alcohol. In fact, an alcoholic can only be good through the 12 step program of having no alcohol. And if people have a sex addiction, that's much easier than being in the middle. Having a sex addiction and indulging it is one thing. And also being a celibate and an ascetic is also is easier, because the truth and the reality about sex is, the more you have, the more you want, the less you have, the less you want. And it's an important reality, it's very different from the food, the food, desire, the food, appetite, where the hungrier you are, the less you have, the more you want, the more you have, if you eat and stuff yourself, the last thing you want is any more food, sex doesn't work that way. The less you have, the less you want, the more you have, the more you want. And so the the it's actually easier to be celibate, than to have a controlled, regulated sex life. And it's easier to be cute, personally indulgent than to have a structured life, I get that. But that is what being a man is all about.
Daniel Lapin 58:39
Now, whether we're talking about educating young boys to become men, or whether we're talking about ourselves, in the case of ourselves, here is a very good step in the progress towards becoming a man and that is develop manners. Now, manners today get a bad rap. Again, like anything having to do with civilization gets a bad rap in today's culture, but manners are really important. Let me tell you what man is do. Okay? Good manners are an outward and visible sign to everyone around you. That inside of yourself, you are disciplined, you're unselfish. You are willing to put others first. You are demonstrating self restraint. And all of these things are the essence of social living effectively with other people. This is the basis of civilization. And so thugs don't have good manners. And wimps, interestingly enough, don't have good manners, unless they are trying to ingratiate themselves with a woman. But other than that, good manners are what you find a man Hang real men, because manners. As I said, it's very important to understand this manners is a way of showing that you can control yourself, that you are able to act with discipline and restraint. Even the act of you know, somebody comes over to you, let's say you're sitting somewhere, and somebody comes over to talk to you get up off your chair, don't look up to the person and have a conversation with him standing and you sitting, you get up as well. So you're both standing and your eyes are at a level. Now that takes a little effort, you got to activate the muscles in your legs and in your hips in order to get up and stand up. But doing so is an example of manners. It shows that I regard you as as important as me, I'm not going to be like a king sitting on my throne. While you stand as a supplicant. Next to me, I get up. And that's an example. It's a very basic, simple example of good manners.
Daniel Lapin 1:01:02
And there's so many more, there used to be a time where our parents taught us manners, but I think you can safely assume now that the majority of people you're gonna run into in your daily life, socially and business wise, probably wouldn't ever raised with manners. And so we have to learn that living in a world that does not value manners doesn't mean that you should do the same thing. Let me tell you that your success and again, I'm talking to men obviously at the moment, but women are very much a part of this, because if women do not demand it, if women do not help to educate men, if when a man speaks vulgarly in your presence, ladies, and you smile, or even worse, you open your mouth and throw your head back and let out a bellow of laughter. Yeah, there are women who do that you are displaying a destructive characteristic, because you are minimizing the likelihood of that man developing manners. There is a Yeah, it might be seen as unfriendly, but there is an appropriate way for a woman to behave in the presence of a man who's not behaving like a man. And yes, you know, will, will it make you Oh, she's very prudish, fun, there's worse things than being called prudish. And that is allowing society destroying behavior to go on by men. And yes, it is largely true that women are the guardians of manners and manners is what helps men be men and men who are men protect a civilization. Thugs destroy it actively. wimps allow it to be destroyed in their presence, and only men defend civilization, my goodness. And please understand that all this I'm talking about teaching young women to be able to act appropriately in the presence of men. No government can do that for your daughters. No government schooling will do that for your daughters to train your boys to become men, not thugs or wimps. No government institution can do that. As a matter of fact, what government indoctrination camps, previously known as public schools will do to your son is to guarantee that he will move in the direction of being a thug or a wimp. These things are formed during the schooling. And by the time a boy reaches 12th grade, whether he is a thug or a wimp has been established. It's one or the other.
Daniel Lapin 1:03:54
But the one thing we know he's not going to come out of, is as a man, that is a reality. The exceptions are few and far between when a modern feminist woman believes that the ultimate expression of her new modern femininity is to scream, like a banshee, and to constantly use the F word, well, you've got a pretty good idea of what the men around that woman are going to be like. social disintegration comes with the breakup of manners on the part of both men and women. I cannot stress closely enough importantly enough, the relation the close relationship between manliness and manners. Again, I asked you to think back, you know, not that long, a couple of generations back, go back to the generation of of men who fought World War Two. Right government was not providing for people what government provides today. Back then, just a few generations ago, family provided it all. And back then there was very little violence in the street, very little crime, very little homelessness vagrancy. Not much in the way of drugs, no horrible behavior in public. You basically didn't have the wimps and the thugs. Because I'll tell you one thing, wimps and thugs could not have won World War Two couldn't have done it, it took men and now, secular fundamentalism, secular socialism has not stopped for the last few decades, it has not stopped mocking the system of family values, and the system of rules and restraints, and distances. And between liberalism in entertainment, and in, in Hollywood, in the media and in even in politics. The message has come down, that the system of family values must be destroyed, and that we must celebrate and champion, the abnormal, the psychopathic, the deviant. And we must treat with mockery, the decent, the honorable, and the law abiding.
Daniel Lapin 1:06:37
That is the reality of where we now are a practical tool for your family in terms of generating a sense of family closeness, and a sense of manliness and womanliness. In other words, making sure that your sons and your daughters do grow up correctly in the terms of we've been describing and discussing a strong family culture. Two important things, here are two strategies, write them down, engrave them in stone, write them on your bathroom mirror in lipstick, so you see them all the time. Number one, at least one family meal every week, inviolable, nothing can interfere with everybody is there. no television, no screens, no phones at this meal. This is a family meal, where father takes the responsibility of running the table discussion, involvement participation, where the spiritual values are nurtured while the body is being nourished. That's what a family meal is. And what do you talk about the family meal, one of the things you talk about is family history. And I can't tell you how strongly this correlates with good performance of children in school and almost on every single indicator. When children feel an intergenerational connection. It means a connection not only with mother and father, but with grandparents, even if they're not around and tell the stories repeatedly and come up with details. You know, may or may, you know, maybe maybe your family came from another country where they lived in luxury and, and splendor. And then they came to the country they now live in as immigrants. And they're to start at the bottom cleaning bathrooms. Maybe that's your family story speak about it. Let the your children know what their grandparents went through. Or maybe you know, maybe it's the other way around. Maybe your your children's grandparents came from horribly impoverished and straightened circumstances. And they arrived in the country in which they now live in they do talk about the struggles talk about what happened that made sure your children feel a connection to the family narrative. You know, best of all, it's both ways talk about the family's ups and downs. Talk about you know what it was like when you first married your spouse and started your family, how things were different, positive and negative. These things should become part of the family's culture, to the point where your children know some of these stories so well, that when you start speaking of them, they roll their eyeballs and they say, Well, we've heard that one and you say you may have heard the general part of it, but there's a part of it. I've never told you before, because I hadn't thought you were mature enough to hear it. Here's the part you don't know. And so it is you develop a family culture around family meals. That is something really worthwhile doing. It's perhaps the most valuable practical tip that I can give you during today's show.
Daniel Lapin 1:09:57
So that is the importance of marriage. Each. And, look, it's not an accident as I speak about how, you know, we watched the gradual destruction of these values and the mockery of all of these values. I've spoken about the old television comedy series called friends. The idea there was the replacement of family with friends. Yes, the destruction of the traditional family has been part of the enterprise of modern liberalism since the early 1960s. Yeah, we've spoken about the military's code that used to at one point in the United States of America, treat an officer having an affair as very serious. You know, when that changed? Not surprisingly, it was during the Bill Clinton administration, it was in the year 1997. That Bill Clinton's Secretary of Defense, and by the way, a number of Republican politicians went along with us. That's the truth. They went along with us, as did of course, the whole liberal media system, what did they do? They condemned the United States military's practice of punishing officers who had had extramarital affairs. And up till then the military assumed as everybody normal would have assumed that honoring your marriage vows is as fundamental to the integrity of military unity, as it is to the structure of society. And, and that was when a change from Bill Clinton down to the Secretary of Defense down to some of the Republican leadership, and all the way to media and everyone else. This is ancient, let's not do that anymore. And yeah, well, just take a look at what's happened to America's a social indices of stability, such as, you know, children born out of wedlock, crime, and just general destruction of society. Yet it took another leap downwards into the abyss, from the Bill Clinton presidency and onwards.
Daniel Lapin 1:12:23
So there it is, these are all really important values. And a boy cannot become a man without understanding and absorbing these into their beings as possible. Let's not be like Woodrow Wilson, he was a president of the United States of America during the period of World War One at the beginning of the 20th century. And he was also an educator, I think it was a Princeton. He was a, you know, he took great pride in his role as educating young people. And he famously said these words, I know, you're not going to believe that you're going to want to go and look it up. But it's absolutely true. He said, our role in education is to make young gentleman as different from their fathers as we can. That's right. That, is that really what you want. Well, guess what? That continues to be the role of public education in America today. And that is not what we want to see families doing. So if you want to make sure that you yourself, are developing your own manliness and that you're not moving, unknowingly, and sadly, in the direction of sluggishness or wimpish pneus, then there are certain things that we try and do. It's not this is not easy or doable, even for everybody. But I'll tell you what, I will give you the blueprint now. And if you are young enough to still have all this ahead of you, then be aware of it. If you are involved and influential in the lives of young people, well, then you can play a role. But men men, marry, marry, well marry for the right reasons, not just because of feelings. Work hard to support your wife. So is that when the time is right, she can be with your children, not listening to a boss in some office and homeschool those children. That's right. homeschool, as children. Join what is today, millions of people homeschooling their children in the United States and elsewhere around the world. In many countries, it's illegal and they still do it. Educate your children yourself. It is the safest way to go. Remembering that nobody but nobody cares as much about your children as you do. Nobody but nobody has as much invested in your children as you do. And so why on earth? Would you want to have your spouse out making a few more dollars? While your biggest investment is being entrusted to the government? Really? Is that what you want to be doing? I don't think so. And so, yeah, this is I depict the ideal, knowing full well, that it's not something necessarily that everybody can do at every given time. But at least if you know that the ideal is for a family to live on one income, namely being earned by dad, and people urged not the 1950s. Yeah, it's irrelevant.
Daniel Lapin 1:15:42
The point is, that there are certain things that are rooted in humanity. And no amount of social engineering is going to change that, in terms of maximum happiness and fulfillment. Make sure you are part of a family, build that family, nourish and sustain that family. And if you are a woman, give everything towards building the safety and security and stability of that family. And if you're a man support and defend and protect that family, and if your children in such a family, make sure that you give thanks every single morning and every single evening for being born into a family like that, for increasing numbers of children around the world today are not being given that amazing start in life. And so the deepest story is in Madam, I'm Adam. Decoding marriage secrets from Eden. I joke that when Eve came into being she looked up, and she sees this terrific looking guy standing there. And she blinks a couple of times. And he bows courteously to her and he says, Madam, I'm Adam. And that was how he introduced himself to her. I made that part up. But the what I didn't make up is the two hours of Bible packed information on how the blueprint for marriage emerges from the Garden of Eden story. And so go to my website at Rabbi Daniel Lapin.com. In the search, please type in Madam. And that will take you to the Madam I'm Adam program, which you can download and have available for your use and for listen with your spouse. Or if you're in the coding process. You are meeting a man or a woman and you are contemplating the future with that person. I strongly recommend. Spend a date Don't you know, not going out? Just listening can be during a drive in the car, whatever. But listen to the two hours of Madam I'm Adam. It will right you'll have to stop at many times in order to converse, discuss debate maybe. But all of this will be very helpful in trying to determine whether you are in the company of the right one. So that's about as far as we can go today. It's a long show, but I think you'll agree an important one. And we have to pause now for another week. And so I extend to you my blessings and my wishes that you have an incredibly productive week, with your family and with your finances, with your friendships and your fitness and your faith. I'm Rabbi Daniel Lapin. God bless.
