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The Rabbi Daniel Lapin Podcast
Episode: I Do WANT To Change. But How?
Date: 07/15/22 Length: 1:02:49
Daniel Lapin 0:00
Welcome, happy warrior to the Rabbi Daniel Lapin show where I, your rabbi reveal how the world rrrrrrreally works. Thanks for being part of the show and for joining us here. And, you know, I realized this past week that if I wanted to really expand the number of people listening to the show, what I should do is retool the show, to be all about how wonderful we all are. You don't have to change. Just keep on doing more of what you're already doing. You're fantastic. Everything is wonderful. You are all incredible human beings. You've all achieved the apex of your accomplishments, you are everything you could possibly be, you are living your best life now. And I am sure that if that would become the theme of the Rabbi Daniel Lapin show why my popularity would soar most gratifying ly better, less, I cannot do that. Because my reputation for veracity compels me to tell you the truth. It compels me to turn aside from the seductive occupation of massaging you with warm butter. No, I have to tell you the truth. And the truth is, not only are you capable of becoming better than you are today, but you must become better than you are today. Not only do you need to recognize that yesterday, you were not as good as you are today. And today, you're not as good as you could be tomorrow. But you have to recognize that that is the direction of the most satisfying and fulfilling life imaginable. This is not easy. And I know it's far from welcome. Because only a real happy warrior is comfortable listening to a conversation that essentially says you're not perfect. There is room to improve. You know, your five F's, your family, your faith, your finances, your fitness and your friendships. Well guess what? You could actually do better in your finances. If you focused correctly, and you made the necessary changes in yourself, yes, you could earn dramatically more revenue each year than you're earning now. And by the way, with the inflation officially cited now at 9.1%. And in truth, somewhere between 15 and 20%. Right now, obviously, increasing your revenue and improving your finances is a desirable thing. It's a good thing to do. And at exactly the same time, Are you really telling me you cannot improve your family situation? Are you married to somebody? Is that marriage relationship? As wonderful as it could be? Or do you still have to find a person to marriage you have to become the right person to get married? How about fitness? Is your right to where it should be? Is all these metrics of health and fitness? Are they where they should be? Are they where they could be? No, of course don't. And I don't even have to see you to know that I can just I know myself. We're all capable of improvement friendships. And have I maintained friendships correctly? Are there any friendships that are dwindling in intensity that with a phone call or a get together I could nourish and restore? Right? And how about faith? And my connection with God? Yeah, there's probably a thing or two you could do about that. Right? I would imagine. And so it is with the each and every aspect of our beings, our family and our faith, our friendships, our fitness and our finances. All of those could be improved. But how is the question? I'm going to tell you that today. That's what this show is all about.
Daniel Lapin 4:56
How? Thers is an awful lot of false indoctrination and propaganda out there, right? It's all based on making us deterministic in an animalistic, kind of way. All of what you're going to hear out there in the culture is based on the presupposition that we are nothing but another form of animal. We're another spot on the spectrum of life. And we human beings are nothing special and nothing different. Well, this is a false perception of reality. And you obviously shouldn't take my word for it, you should look around you and see whether those groups of people in your culture, your country, your society, those groups of people, who have wholeheartedly bought into this idea that we are nothing but animalistic. And I'll give you three specific examples in just a moment, you got to ask yourself, are they happy? Are they free of anxiety? Are they fulfilled? Or are they in fact, the least happy examples of humanity? And let me give you three quick examples. One of the wrong beliefs that we are propagandize to believe, is that since we are all animalistic, we're all basically pre deterministic in the sense that everything we do is just a function of stimuli. It's a function of the way our brains are wired. And that pretty much controls everything we do. Everything is driven by a biological need for survival, and a biological imperative to spread our genes that accounts for absolutely everything that we do. The reality, of course, is that nothing could be further from the truth. It is a very distorted picture of humanity. And consequently, the prescriptions that that approach offers for success in your life, are going to be seriously flawed. No, we're not hardwired to do certain things, like become alcoholics, or be behave in a homosexual kind of way. No, we're not hardwired to do any of those things. Do I realize that I am contradicting all that science says, No, I'm contradicting a lot of what scientists say. I'm not at all contradicting what science says. The trouble is that it is extremely difficult. It takes time it takes research ability to actually put your finger on what science really does say, because so much of this is considered politically incorrect. And professors, scientists, all kinds of people lose their grants, they lose their jobs, they lose their positions, they sometimes lose their 10 years for saying the wrong things on any aspect of these topics. And so the culture will tell you we're hardwired to do everything we do or you do gamble away the the rent money Listen, come see a psychiatrist there's nothing that we can't find a pill for that'll fix you because you've just got a temporary hardwired going on any hardware error in your brain We'll fix that in no time. The only thing of course they believe that cannot be fixed is homosexuality that is absolutely hardwired it's kind of funny. And there in lies one of the firmest indicators that this is very far from a scientific perception, but be that as it may, that is what you're going to be told essentially don't even think of changing you know if if you are a overweight lazy person, hey, that's your body type that's your personality makeup live with a don't fight it. Needless to say, that avenue leads to really rough times and sad living.
Daniel Lapin 9:25
Example number two, how about there's no real difference between men and women that cannot be adjusted for that can't be changed. There's no real difference between men and women. Yeah, they're socialized differences, you know, because you teach little boys to play with trucks and guns and you teach little girls to play with dolls. They obviously come out of a different but there's no need to do that because fundamentally, boys and girls are exactly the same. So that would be an example of a belief that is being beamed out at you by your society, by your culture by your, in some cases, your friends and family. But you have to be aware that the, the, the landscape that I am going to be depicting today could not be more different. And the obligation rests on you to decide whether I'm wrong, and they are right, or whether they are wrong. And I am right. The one thing you should not do, please, is just ignore it and move on, you really need to decide whether what I'm telling you in today's program is true, or, or at least more true. Or whether what you hear in the culture is more true. I said, I'll give you three examples, right? Here's another one, there is no human problem that cannot be solved by a specialist doctor, you've got a rash on your skin, I got a dermatologist for you. You've got deep seated insecurities and anxieties and problems with your parents, hey, we got a psychiatrist that'll fix you, you got a heart problem, ain't no problem got a cardiac specialist, he'll take care of you, we got a pill for almost anything that is wrong. So that would be just three examples of the way the culture views human beings, and, and how different it is, from the way that ancient Jewish wisdom views human beings. No, we're not hardwired to do certain things. We are unique among all creatures on the planet, in that we have a will. And unlike every animal from amoebas, to orangutangs, that operate on instinct, we operate on will. And even though it is hard, we do have the capacity to will ourselves away from self destructive behavior towards uplifting and positive behavior. And no real difference between men and women. Not exactly a huge difference between male and female, so important that it is laid out very early in the book of Genesis could have said, God made human beings on a non binary spectrum, or could have just said God made human beings and the story, but very explicitly male and female. And so you have to decide, you know, don't say, Well, that's the religious view. So I'm a religious person. So I should follow that. No, don't say that. Or don't say, Hey, I'm an atheist. So therefore, I have to reject that because it's a religious position. And forget the labeling of it. Forget where it comes from. Ask yourself which view more accurately reflects the reality you see around you? Is it really true that the very tiny number of women working on the exciting excavation and construction site with a huge yellow tower crane over the road from me that I love watching? Is it purely gender inequality that makes it true that I have yet to see a single woman standing at the top of a currently being cost 30 foot concrete column, measuring 24 inches by 24 inches? Haven't seen a single woman clutching onto the rebar onto the reinforced steel balls that protrude from the top of that haven't seen a single woman? Is that all because of sexism? Is that all because women are kept down? Or is it that most women don't care to do that kind of work? Right? So that's what you got to ask yourself. Right? Again, remember, I'm not in the business of persuading anybody. That's really not what I'm doing. All I'm trying to do is provide a an alternative viewpoint to the popular culture for you to determine for you to evaluate for you to weigh up. Whether the popular cultures view is more correct. Or the view from ancient Jewish wisdom that I present you with is a more accurate depiction of what you yourself see out there.
Daniel Lapin 14:28
Can everything be solved by a specialist doctor is a psychiatrist necessarily, the very best person is the therapist, the very best person to help you with certain uncomfortable feelings that are inside of you, though, that would not be the case. So as I explained some of the regular listeners to the Rabbi Daniel Lapin show and and by the way, if if this is one of the first year you're hearing well, you've picked a difficult one to dive in. too, I'll be the first to confess this was not an easy one to get started on. But I really would strongly recommend that you go back and catch earlier shows, because I tend not to repeat this stuff very much at all. And so, for instance, a while back, I did a show on how dangerous is the phrase, I am, who I am, who I am what I am, which people often turn to, as a refuge against the compelling call to become more than you are. And the way you resolve that in the most simple and painless way possible, is you say, You know what, leave me alone my conscience, I know you're trying to tell me I can do better, I can become a bigger person, a better person, a wealthier person, a more generous person, a more compassionate person, I can become a better husband or a better wife, I can become a better father or a better mother, I can become a better brother, a better sister. And you put away that voice by saying, you know, this is how God made me I am what I am. It's just how I am. And we have to live with that. So I've spoken about how untrue that is, and how incredibly destructive that is. And that this statement, you know how I am what I am. That's perfectly true for a camel or a cat or a cow or a kangaroo, oh, yeah, very, very, very true. But not at all true for a human being the only creature on the planet touched by the finger of God.
Daniel Lapin 16:41
And for for more clarity on that. And I go far more deeply into this never on the podcast, because that's not what this show is all about. But on a an online course, available at my website called Scrolling through Scripture. I give you everything I hold nothing back in terms of demonstrating the way to dive deeply into the inner and often hidden meanings in the most significant book in the history of the world. The book that has published more copies than any other book in the history of the world, the book on which all of Western civilization, and the conspicuous successes of Western civilization are all based, and how and why that all works is in a program called Scrolling through Scripture. All you got to do is go to the website, RabbiDanielLapin.com. Okay, go to RabbiDanielLapin.com. And you can actually even watch a free episode of the entire course, Scrolling through Scripture. And I will try and put a source for that a link for that in the description below. But otherwise, just go to the RabbiDanielLapin.com. And look for online courses. Now you'll see Scrolling through scripture, and and go for it is like it's life changing. And when you realize that it is precisely the book we call the Bible that is responsible for the major distinctions between the West and the rest. And you realize that if that's what this book can do, for an entire society, you can imagine what it can do in the life of one human being. And so it's, it's, it's really important and and I lay this out, because I want you to understand that there is no commandment in the Torah, to believe in God. I don't know if you've ever noticed that, but it isn't there. But nowhere does it say and and thou shalt believe in me, saith the Lord and say that, nowhere to be found,
Daniel Lapin 19:11
you know, in what the Torah itself calls the 10 statements never called them the 10 commandments, or it's called the 10 statements. One of the statements is I'm the Lord your God. But it doesn't say you have to accept that it doesn't say you shall believe that I am the Lord. It doesn't say that. It's simply lays the groundwork, which is to say that you and I don't have a relationship if you don't acknowledge my existence. And isn't this true for? For for people in in the real world, right? If I can't imagine this happening on the street of any American city, but just imagine a thug confronting you and pointing a gun at your head. At that point, you say to yourself, Listen, why don't we sit down for a few minutes? Let's have a talk. I'd like to get to know you, I'd like you to get to know me.
Daniel Lapin 20:03
Surely you realize that that is not the moment for a conversation because he violates step number one, he does not acknowledge your right to exist. As a matter of fact, he is only one brief ganglion spasm in what goes for a brain in that head from blowing your head off, he most certainly doesn't acknowledge your right to exist. And so obviously, there's no relationship. Statement number one in Exodus Chapter 20. Is I'm the Lord your God. Yeah. If if that's problematic for you, then, you know, I'm sorry, but we don't ever there's no basis and going forward. That's all that's about. But no way. Is there an instruction to believe in God? Isn't that interesting? Now, the great codifier of ancient Jewish wisdom was my mother days lived about a little over 800 years ago. And when he codifies the rules, he says, it's there's no commandment to believe in God, there is a commandment to know there is a God, which is an entirely different thing. Right? Because nobody is commanded no way in the Torah, has anybody come on to do something that is outside of their own volition. And so for instance, they would never be, they would never be an instruction that says homosexual behavior between two men is prohibited. If people didn't have any kind of choice if there was no volition there. And nobody would be told, Hey, you must believe in God. You can't force me. You can point a gun at me as Islam does and say you must profess a belief in Allah. That Yeah, absolutely. You got it, I believe. Yeah, it's amazing how persuasive a 357 Magnum can be. But in reality, you'd nobody can command somebody else to believe in anything. All you can do is encourage behavior and, and discovery and investigation that could result in what No, not belief in knowledge. So knowing there is a God is what I am called upon to do not never call upon to believe there is a God. No, not at all. So what am I called to do? Well, I am called to follow a number of commandments. A number of commandments in the Torah, whose purpose is to produce ultimately a relationship with God. That's right. I am told to do actions, not thoughts. Now the there are exceptions to that I'm told not to covet something that someone else wants. That's the 10 statement. If you're like in Exodus, I mustn't know that's a thought thing. Right? And that's one of the places we know that we do have control over our thoughts. Right? If God says I don't want you to steal stuff that belongs to other folks, Okay, Lord done, I won't I won't do that action. Okay, we're not finished yet. I don't want you to even want stuff that belongs to either Oh, I can't help how I feel oh, yes, you can. I can't help I think, Oh, yes, you can. So we're, we're given things to do. That actually will shape our belief system, you follow what I'm saying? And this brings us to the crux of today's program. The crux of today's program, is an equation that reads actions produce beliefs. But like all mathematical equations, it can be read from left to right, as well as from right to left. And so just as actions produced beliefs, beliefs, produce actions. What What are you talking about? Rabbi Lapin? Isn't this circular thinking? Your actions produce beliefs? Well, beliefs produce actions are round and round and round the roundabout we go, No, not at all. And I will explain this again in the context of the idea that the the Torah does not instruct human beings to believe in God. It instructs us to behave in certain ways. So to give you an example, I am prohibited from speaking gossip about other people. Well, guess what, every time I exert that control over myself, I actually am impacting my belief system. I'll give you an example of this. And and I'm sure that you would acknowledge this to be the case. Have you noticed who are the most adamant and vehement and emphatic opponents of smoking. It's always people who used to smoke and gave it up. That's right. They get really upset when you when you smoke. Got it. Why? Because the action of stopping to smoke is a huge exertion of force and will on your body, your body craves the nicotine and the tobacco and you stop and you say I will not be having a smoke now, that action produces a parallel belief. And the belief is Oh, smoking is really bad. Well, but that's kind of why I gave up smoking in the first place. Well, yeah, that's that's what I have to explain. That's true. But other ways, also equally true in the same way that eight equals four times two. So I can multiply four by two, to get eight. But I can also read it the other way, which is eight equals four times two, or four times two equals eight, which means I can break eight down into its factors, and say, you know how to what eight can produce a can produce four piles of two or two piles of four. And that also, it reads both ways. But it's not that simple. So I'm now going to go ahead and explain exactly how the action and belief mechanism works. Because in understanding how the world really works, very little is more important than in understanding how you work and for me to understand how I work. And when you understand that the interface between body and soul operates on the basis of actions and beliefs, you are so far ahead of the game, in not being a tennis ball floating down the gutter of life. It's too wonderful for words. Now, I'm going to explain this. And I've explained in the past, certain similarities between the physical world and the spiritual world, the world of the body in the world of the soul. And so I'm now going to give you an A very important example from the physical world. But before I do that, allow me please to issue a warning. And the warning is that many women listening and yes, I assure you, your rabbi has no doubt whatsoever as to what a woman is, and what a man is, I really know. And there are many beautiful and wonderful female happy warriors listening, who are going to have an instinctual tendency to kind of turn me off, because I'm going to be speaking about objects in science. And you're gonna say, I'm not interested in science, so I don't get science. I know you're gonna say that. Because the overwhelming majority of men in science, technology, engineering and mathematics, not to say they know women, but the overwhelming majority of men, tells me not that women are oppressed, and not that women are indoctrinated by their parents to think they can't do math. It's just that women are less interested in those things than men are. Intuitively, men are more interested in things. And science is the measurement of things. Whereas women are more interested in relationships and people. And so many more therapists are women that are men, they're drawn to the field because they are intuitively better equipped to instinctively understand human relationships.
Daniel Lapin 29:03
So my dear lady, happy warriors, please bear with me here. I'm your rabbi. How often do I beseech a favor? How often right? I don't ask you for a favor that often well, today is one of those times. And so today, I say to you, lady, happy warriors. Please try and hang in here for the next it's only going to be three or four minutes, and then we'll move on. But guess what, I'm going to work very hard at trying to explain this in a way that is, it's good for everybody a way that makes sense. Whether you're interested in science or you're not interested in science, whether you're a man or a woman. I'm hoping to explain it because it's important. It really will help you understand how you work, how your soul interacts with your body and how your body interacts with your soul. But let's get on with With my example, if you don't mind, okay. And so the example is that water, as everybody knows, is made up of two gases. Now we all know what water is, in its liquid form, you drink it in its solid form, you put it in drinks, or you skate on it. And in its in its gaseous form, it's become steam. And then and that can be used to drive steam turbines and do all kinds of useful things. But in its usual form, we know it as waters as a liquid. And every if you take the the most miniscule quantity of water you can get it's called a molecule. And if you if you take a gallon, you have it, you get four pints. And if you take four pints and Harvard, you get two pints. And if you take two pints, and if you get one pint, and if you take one pint and harvest, you get eight ounces, and you have that you get four answers, you keep having the quantity of water, you will eventually get to a teensy weensy little quantity of water, which will resist your efforts to separate it. This is now a molecule and that molecule is made up of two atoms of hydrogen and one atom of oxygen. Okay, fine. Now, if you are a homeschooling mom, then you may well have already done this experiment. And if you're not, you may want to do it anyway. It'll amaze your children and astonish your friends, what you do is you take some water, you will need to add a tiny little bit of salt or a tiny little bit of sulfuric acid to it. For reasons having to do with conductivity, I won't go into that now. And then you you take two
Daniel Lapin 31:55
I was gonna say two pieces of metal. But if you actually want to try this, you might want to try and use a piece of pencil LED or something graphite would work. Okay. So wood, some other metals, copper wouldn't be the best to use. At any rate, take two pieces of metal and attach one to one side of a battery, attach the other to the other side of the battery and immerse those we call them electrodes immerse them into the water, you're going to notice a stream of bubbles rising from each conductor from each side of the battery from each electrode that is connected to the battery now, you could actually invert a gloss over each rising column of bubbles. And after if you use the same size glass, you're going to notice after a while that one side seems to have twice as much air or gas in it than the other. And it's not air, it's actually hydrogen. And that's because there's twice as much hydrogen in every molecule of water than there is oxygen. Now, this will carry on and eventually you'll be able to end up with a little container of hydrogen which hard to keep a trap to tends to escape quickly. It's so the the atoms of hydrogen are so tiny, they even go through the space between the molecules of rubber in an ordinary balloon, you need a mylar balloon in order to keep hydrogen safely trapped. And then you get a lighter than air balloon. Oxygen is easy to get trapped to maintain and return anyway, the My point is that we are able to convert water into hydrogen and oxygen. Why? Because there's an equation that says h two plus O tube atoms of hydrogen plus one atom of oxygen equals h2o equals water. But it also reads the other way water equals two atoms Vonage. And so I've now shown that yes, indeed water does equal two atoms of hydrogen, one atom of oxygen for every molecule of water. And I'm showing you yes there in front of your astonished eyes. The by using battery power, you're actually able to convert the water into hydrogen and oxygen. Wow, terrific. So see, I was telling you the truth. After a little while it's going to stop doing it guess why? It's going to stop because you've used up the battery. In other words, I think you will agree that what we've been doing is using energy from the battery in order to separate hydrogen and oxygen. The evidence is that when the battery dies, the bubbles stop rising. If you replace the battery with a fresh battery, you got no problem at all. And it'll start up again. Bubbles of hydrogen will rise from one electrode bubbles of oxygen will rise from the other and away you go. So this kind of reaction is we call it an endothermic reaction. Because what it means is it takes n Energy, I've got an insert energy. This is like perhaps the most important part of this whole analogy I'm giving you. As you can see, we needed the battery energy in order to break apart water into oxygen and hydrogen. Now we come to the second part of the experiment, and kids do not try this at home. Now we want to combine the oxygen we produced in the hydrogen we produced, we want to convert them back to water. And we can even measure how much water diminished if we have graduations on the side of the of the beaker or the measuring cup, we can see how much water we lost by converting that amount of water into hydrogen or oxygen. So now we want to convert hydrogen or oxygen back into water and recover that. And the way we do that is we bring them together. And we usually we start off the reaction of them getting together, you just have to make a little spark and bam zams smash with a big noise and a flash of light, the hydrogen and oxygen vanish. Before you're astonished eyes, and in its place are the drops of water that were used to make the hydrogen and oxygen in the first place. But what about that bang in the flash of light? Well, there was an explosion, there was a release of energy. So here's an interesting thing, this kind of reaction where when you bring two chemicals together, like hydrogen and oxygen, it turns into something else, and it releases energy. And that's called an exothermic reaction, right? an endothermic takes energy exothermic releases energy. So basically, if we don't delve too deeply into 20th century thermodynamics, basically, it is safe and reliable to say that the amount of energy we used up out of the battery, in order to convert that amount of water to oxygen and hydrogen. When that oxygen and hydrogen is converted back into the same amount of water, the amount of energy released is exactly the same as the amount of energy we used in the first place. And so that's kind of beautiful and elegant that that happens. But it is important to understand that some, if you read the equation in one direction, water equals hydrogen and oxygen, water can be broken down to a hydrogen or oxygen, that is endothermic, which means we have to supply energy. Right? So the right way to say that equation is water plus energy will result in hydrogen and oxygen because we started off with water and a battery. Now the other way around, you can say hydrogen plus oxygen equals water plus energy. If you bring hydrogen and oxygen together, there'll be an explosion of bang, a flash of light and noise, all of which are versions of energy, and you'll get water plus the energy. Okay? Why am I telling you all this?
Daniel Lapin 38:16
Because the the equation that we're looking at now, which is that I can impact my beliefs by certain types of actions. That equation, okay, is an endothermic reaction that requires energy. When I look at the equation in the other direction, that beliefs produce actions, that direction produces energy. Okay, so if you think back to this equation, which I hope you could imagine and visualize me doing, I took a water plus energy in the battery, and I ended up with hydrogen and oxygen. And now if I want to go in the other direction, I start off with hydrogen or oxygen, put them together big flash, Big Bang, and water. So hydrogen plus oxygen equals water plus energy. Or if you like, water plus energy equals hydrogen or oxygen. And so when we look at these equations, it's always important to absorb and include energy considerations as well. And that is exactly what we're talking about. You can shape your beliefs by certain actions. Remember, I told you before, that the Torah doesn't ask me to believe anything, it asked me to do certain things. And the end result of doing those things are certain beliefs, because actions plus energy produced beliefs. But once those beliefs are in place those beliefs is produced action and also a release of energy. I'll explain that more specifically now. And we're and that's the end of the science part of it. So all of you brave lady happy warriors, who diligently doggedly and resolutely stuck with me through that scientific explanation onto please do did come on your please do that because you really now understand something you didn't understand before. You may not have enjoyed it. But well, I was worth it. But thank you for hanging in there.
Daniel Lapin 40:38
Now let's give you a practical example. You don't like the way you feel about an associate, at work a friend, you don't like the way you feel about a parent. Maybe you don't feel like the way you feel about a child. But I'll explain that in a separate category. Maybe you don't like the way you feel about a spouse. Okay, all of those are bad beliefs. You know, I'm resentful of my spouse. I believe she did me wrong. I believe she behaved badly. I believe, though, that's what you really are saying. You know, this is this, this person at work. They're real jerk. I believe they are a jerk. These are all beliefs. My parent, my parents becoming impossible I can't I can't work with my bad. Whenever we're together with you, because they are so impossible. I believe my parents have become impossible. These are all beliefs. Now, if you don't like a belief, why didn't you change it? How do you change your belief? God, I just explained it to you. Same way you convert water into hydrogen or oxygen. You do an action and you insert energy. Well, what are you talking about? Rabbi Lapin? Stop this already? Let's leave the example. And let's talk about reality. Well, the example is kinda reality. But alright, fine. I know what you mean. You don't like the way you believe somebody is. Or another way of putting it is you don't like the way you feel about another person, say your spouse. You know, whatever it is, you know, your spouse. You feel your spouse didn't treat you respectfully. That's a belief, right? beliefs and feelings run ran close very closely together. You believe your spouse didn't treat you respectfully. Or you believe your spouse was not sensitive to what you think or your needs, etc, etc. And so you're feeling resentful towards your spouse, your belief is your spouse doesn't deserve your love, and you're good. Okay, what are you supposed to do about it? I'm going to express it in the form of an English formula.
Daniel Lapin 42:46
And what is more, I'm going to repeat it because it is quite complicated. And so if you want to jot it down, now's the time to grab a pen. Here's the rule number 117 of Rabbi Daniel Lapin. If you do not like the way you feel about somebody, start behaving towards that person, the way you would behave, if you already felt about them the way you wished you felt about them. I wasn't trying to deliberately confuse you. I really wasn't. Here it goes again. And here's the nice thing about a podcast for heaven's sake, just put it on slow and write it down. It'll make sense once you wrote it down. Here it is coming again. If you don't like the way you feel about somebody, you know, maybe a spouse maybe in a work associate. You don't like the way you feel about somebody. start behaving towards them. The way you would behave towards them if you already felt about them the way you wished you felt about them. How about an example. Okay, there's a joke at work. There's always a joke at work, right? What are you going to do about the joke at work? Well, you could quit and go and work somewhere else. But guess what? The jokes gonna follow you there. Oh, not the same one. They'll just be another one. But the point is jerkiness follows you everywhere. So what are you going to do? Well, if you can't quit, maybe you can get him to quit now, it's not going to be possible. So what? Well, wait a sec. If I could change the way I feel about him, if I could change my beliefs about him, I believe he's a total jerk. If I was capable of changing that belief, my life would actually become more pleasant. Because if I could stop believing his a joke, which is like saying, I stopped feeling that is a joke. Well, then I won't perceive him to be jerky. That's right. I really won't. It sounds miraculous, but it's not. It's very simple and very straightforward. So here's what I do. I bring him a cup of coffee tomorrow, while he's astounded That's part of the fun of doing this, by the way, is the bewilderment you calls in the jerk. He's utterly bewildered because he kind of knows that you don't believe he's a good person, you know, he kind of knows that you believe he's a jerk. And all of a sudden you bring him a cup of coffee. And then two days later, you have a real nice pen you got from a client or from a vendor, and you walk out him and you say, Listen, I've actually got one of these, you might enjoy this pen. I use it a lot. It's really a lovely pen, and you give him the pen. Well, he's completely baffled. And don't for a moment think that this is magically going to change him to stop being a jerk. I won't. Jokes are jerks. But I'll tell you what it will do. Because you are behaving towards him the way you would behave. If you actually liked him. If you believed he was not a jerk. Your belief system starts changing. That's right. Actions, change beliefs. Right? And, and we all we all know these things already. Right? Acting courageously makes you feel courageous. Acting cowardly, makes you feel cowardly. Right? We kind of know this. But you need to sometimes have it spelled out, as I'm doing here. And it takes energy, there's no question about it, reading the equation this way, bringing about a change in your belief, by forcing yourself to act in a way that is in accordance with how you wished you felt. Well, the clue was when I said force yourself, that's called energy using energy. That's right. And so it's possible to change your beliefs, even if it's your spouse, who you deeply love. But at the same time, you are really irritated at something he said to you this morning, before work. And you're seething all day, you seething and the best part of it is you're thinking of all the things you're going to say as he walks through the room and softener, you got some real zingers that have been accumulating during the frustration of the day, as you replay over and over and over again, everything he did to infuriate you. That's one way of running your marriage. Here's another way, change the way you feel about your spouse. How do you do that? Well, you know, prepare his favorite dinner, or
Daniel Lapin 47:35
there other also obvious ways that you can bring joy and delight to your husband when he walks through the door. And, and you said it was a while I'm not going to act that way. I don't feel warmly towards him. And I don't want to be a hypocrite. Come on. That's not being a hypocrite. A hypocrite involves talking other people into doing things you don't do yourself. Now, this is called inconsistency. And you know what heaven is full of inconsistent people, it's good. Hell may be full of hypocrites. But Heaven is full of inconsistent people. Inconsistent people means that we're not yet sure of whether we're such a good person, but we're going to act as if we're a good person. Anyway, that's called being inconsistent. There's nothing wrong with that. And so for you to say, Look, I know I'm mad at him. But I don't want to stay mad at him, I want to fix that. I want to change the way I feel about him. Well, that's easy. Well, it's not takes energy, you actually got to overcome the feelings of irritation. And you've got to act now the way you would act towards him if you felt incredible about him. And that's how you change the way you feel and the way you believe. And so whether it's a parent or a spouse, I said, children are a little bit different, because one of the wet reasons that we love children and we're so we our feelings are so warm towards our children, is that we do things for them from nine months before they're born. You know, you carry the child when the child is born, you nurse the child, you protect the child, you keep the child warm and safe and dry. And then when the child wants to go to ballet lessons, you pay for ballet lessons, and so on and so forth. You're constantly giving to the child. And that's one of the reasons why parents love children much more unreservedly than children love parents. Because parents do more for children. And the doing more for children means that you end up loving them more, because your beliefs and your feelings follow your actions. But wait, didn't I also say that, that beliefs also produce action? Yeah, sure. And that produces energy. Because when you think to yourself, you know, I just love my husband or I love my wife so much. I just I can't wait to be together with them again and, and just give them a gift or shower my love and my admiration and my affection and my adoration. That is becomes life affirming, and energizing. Because now you're letting a belief produce an action, that releases all the energy that was needed in the first place to change the belief and by means of an action. I do hope that I am explaining this in a in a clearer way I really do. Because this is so life changing. And this is so life enhancing, it makes such a huge difference. Once you understand this aspect of how the world really does work. It's incredibly valuable and makes a huge difference. So go ahead. If you need to listen to it again, go ahead and listen to it again. But just realize that our actions produce our beliefs. And yes, I set out to allude to homosexuality earlier. Yeah, sure.
Daniel Lapin 51:16
There's no question about it, that the more that a man engages sexually with another man, the more he believes that he's a homosexual. And I don't doubt that for a moment. Absolutely. Because actions, shape beliefs, there is no doubt in my mind about it. Also, we know that, well, here's a controversial one, again, don't think I don't know how challenging some of the things are that I say. But I want you to realize that it reflects a deep respect that I have for every happy warrior. Because you are engaged in the struggles of life, intellectual struggles, belief struggles, financial struggles, family struggles, you are not only engaged in them, but you embrace them joyfully. That's why you're not just a warrior, you're a happy warrior. And so the fact that I present to you very controversial ideas, is nothing other than a symbol of the respect that I have, knowing that you are able to absorb into your being an idea that might conflict with something you already think you know, or you already believe. And that's okay. And I'm saying, let both these conflicting ideas function in your heart at the same time, Scott Fitzgerald, who wrote The Great Gatsby actually wrote these words, and I know he wrote them. I know, I've seen them. And for the life of me, I have had trouble finding them, I wanted to be able to tell you exactly where he wrote these words. And I'm sorry, I cannot. But it makes no difference because the the words are powerful, and they are true. And here they are. The mark of greatness in a human being is to be able to accept two conflicting ideas, and to still be able to function. So and by the way, I paraphrase that I don't remember it word for word, but it's very close. And so you know, at its at its simplest, I'll give you an example. A, a hard working good man loses his father who was a wealthy tycoon. And he had a great relationship with his dad. And I've actually had on more than one occasion, a person come to me with feelings of tremendous guilt, that they're happy that they are inheriting a huge amount of money from a beloved parent. And at the same time, there's conflicts with their sadness and their grief at losing the parent. How do you cope with us? And I often quote that Scott Fitzgerald line, that human greatness means specifically being able to have in your heart at the same time, to incompatible ideas, and to be able to continue to function, even if they're irreconcilable. That I can't reconcile grief with happiness, that I but I'm a human being I'm capable of more than one sense of the time. And so I'm able to absorb both those two things simultaneously. That's wonderful. That's a very, very good thing. And so and so, I,
Daniel Lapin 54:42
I realize that I'm telling you things that are different from things you believe or think you believe or know or think you know, and I asked for you to hold these two conflicting ideas, popular cultures idea and ancient Jewish wisdoms idea from your rabbi. and handle them both and say to yourself, I'm going to put these both in the balance. And I'm going to go through my life this week, and I'm going to constantly try and think, Wait a sec, does popular culture more effectively describe reality that I witnessed with my eyes around me? Or does ancient Jewish wisdom more accurately describe reality as I see it around me, and I leave you to make the decision all on your own. So another idea that conflicts powerfully with popular culture is that male and female are quite different from one another. And so when, when I might say to my young son, stop that I want you to behave like a man, I realize that your therapist might blanch in horror and indignation and even outrage at me using the words to a young boy behave like a man. But I assure you that I did. And I would, and I do. And it is the right thing to do. I am helping that young male, a culture eight into being a man. And, and so what is that? You know, what does it boil down to? Well, you know, every family has its own approach, and every family has its own way. But we absolutely expected different things from our son than we did from our daughters, different things from the daughters than we did from the sun. We applied discipline in different ways. We asked different things of them, no question about it. And today, they are wonderful young women. And he's a wonderful young man and model and an example. And, and again, I'm not attributing that all to how Susan and I raised them, they all worked on themselves as well. And that was part of being a young man or a young woman is you do have an obligation to work on yourself. We never let our children say I am what I am, this is who I am, I don't change. No, you're not a camel or a cat or a cow or a kangaroo, you do change. And you make up your mind, what sort of changes would bring you most happiness, fulfillment and success in life? What sort of changes would make you a better person, and then you go about effecting those changes. And so yes, very big differences between male and female between men and women, you only have to read the relevant chapters from Mark Twain's The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. And there's that lovely section where Tom becomes aware of Becky Thatcher. And you see right away, he's a boy and she's a girl. And for heaven's sake, the author Mark Twain knew the difference. And you can actually see it, it's so it's so easy. The differences are real masculinity, inner strength, responsibility, confidence, even even a touch of arrogance. In its you know, when it when it gets when it goes a little too far when it goes wrong. It desire to protect, that's masculine, and it's one we encourage in our boys. The idea of boundaries, oh, courage, the demonstration of courage, little Tom Sawyer, show tried to demonstrate that I had courage to Becky Thatcher. That's right. Female, much more receptive, more passive, intuitive, much more intuitive than men, capable of love and nurturing and tenderness. Aware of feeling emotional, an innate willingness to surrender with a man with a male and innate desire to conquer to project power. These are real. These are really obviously it's it's ludicrous that I'm even saying these things. I keep saying to myself, I'm boring you you're yawning. Come on, tell us I mean, we don't know Do you know?
Daniel Lapin 59:22
Well, but yeah, I know. But in the culture out there the stuff is, is almost certainly in for many, many people in many professions. This can be career threatening to talk about these things in this way. It goes without saying. So I certainly if you are in a situation like that, I certainly urge care and caution. But once again, action producing beliefs. If I want my son to think of himself as a man, then I asked him to do manly things. If I want my daughter to think of herself as eminent and to be a girl and to be to find delight and joy in being a woman, I asked her to do womanly things. And it's an entire aspect of child raising, which doesn't get spoken about a whole lot. Because today, it's entirely contrary to the popular culture. You remember I told you the beginning, a lot of this is predicated on popular cultures deep conviction that we are nothing but sophisticated animals. And the truth is that there are no differences between male and female lions or giraffes or camels or cats, or cows or kangaroos. The differences aren't just biological. But with human beings, the biological differences are just the least of it. It's the spiritual differences that are so huge and so important. femininity and masculinity, they exist for human beings, but not with animals. And so, a lot of these things I know are contrary to the message, your articles in the paper magazines, on television on the internet, it is very, very difficult to hear the alternative approach that I am telling you today, because there is so much woke dominance. Look, the the lethal obsession on the left means that it must entirely dominate the culture. And that's why you will be hard pushed to find anywhere else, where you will hear the kind of things we talk about on the rabbi Daniel Lapin show. And so there it is, my dear friends, actions, plus energy, produced beliefs. And then finally beliefs will result in actions. But also with a joyful release of energy. All that energy comes back to you know, it's fun. It's exciting. It's beautiful, and it's joyful. And that, my dear friends brings us to pretty much the end of today's Rabbi Daniel Lapin show, and it is always with sadness and reluctance that I draw close to the end. Because it means it's another whole week before I get a chance to share with you ancient Jewish wisdom that will help you enhance your faith and your family, your fitness and your finances and your friendships. Have a great week, onwards and upwards. I'm Rabbi Daniel Lapin. God bless.
